


Please Don't Leave

by biggesthomestan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Car Accidents, Eventual Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Louis cries quite a bit, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Near Death Experiences, No Smut, POV Louis Tomlinson, Strangers to Lovers, mentions of vomit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:08:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29524809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biggesthomestan/pseuds/biggesthomestan
Summary: Louis can’t remember what life was like before Harry. He doesn't know what it's like to wake up alone and not be smothered in kisses, a warm body attached to him like a koala. But when a car accident leaves Harry in a coma, Louis has to prepare for what life might be like without Harry in it.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! This fic has been a long time coming. I started writing this early December 2020. The idea for this came to me randomly after I was thinking about a book I had read and thought fuck it im gonna write this. The title for the fic came to be in the same instance and that basically confirmed for me that I wanted to write this fic. I decided that I wanted to write as much as I thought necessary of the fic before I published it on here just because it just makes it make more sense in my head. A lot of this fic I wrote in the early hours of the morning because I have never heard of a regular sleep schedule.
> 
> Enough of me waffling on.
> 
> A few disclaimers:
> 
> The fic is set in England just cos I’m English and therefore found it easier to write a fic set here. There are just a few details in fic that will make sense as you read why I mention this (no spoilers from me hehe).
> 
> The only people I mention in terms of family are Anne, Gemma and Lottie. I also refer to Niall, Liam and Zayn but as this is quite a heavy fic, there are already a lot of characters as I have to include doctors and nurses as well with the narrative, so I didn’t want to get overwhelmed by having loads of different people to mention throughout.
> 
> There are a lot of flashbacks in this fic - these will be written in italics to make it clear that it’s a flashback, and then normal writing is set present day. I haven’t exactly placed it in any specific year as the flashbacks go over a number of years. It will make a lot more sense as you read I promise.
> 
> This is my first fic! Which is quite crazy if I’m honest. Writing has always been a passion of mine alongside drama and maybe one day I’ll be lucky enough to write a novel of my own (I have a few ideas but one thing at a time). But I am well aware that my writing is by no means perfect and not of a high standard. I have also edited this fic myself so it is highly likely there will be some spelling errors and mistakes as I go.
> 
> I have made a playlist of songs I associate with this fic. Some were recommended to me by my moots on twitter (shoutout to you guys) and the others I thought fit over the course of writing this fic. Link: [Please Don't Leave Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0sbkB9ac7yScNr3D9dbVKK?si=Xt6zD6r4QyymbwDQK_lPrQ)
> 
> My twitter is [@biggesthomestan](https://twitter.com/biggesthomestan?s=21) where I will be letting people know when I am releasing the next chapter of my fic.
> 
> Title from Flicker by Niall Horan
> 
> Storyline inspired by If I Stay by Gayle Forman
> 
> This is a work of fiction. My presentation of people in this do not reflect my feelings towards them in real life although I assure you this fic does not feature any character you are made to dislike. I do make some references to things connected with each of the boys, but other than that everything else is made up.
> 
> Happy reading!

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me, S.O.S.

The love you gave me, nothing else can save me, S.O.S.

When you're gone

How can I even try to go on?

When you're gone

Though I try, how can I carry on?

―

**S.O.S, ABBA**

Louis is awake. At least he thinks he is.

All that encompasses him is darkness, as if he is staring into a never ending abyss. 

A soundscape of noises surround him, a low drone at the heart of it, married with muffled voices, ones he can’t make out. They’re in the distance though, unobtainable in that very moment. There’s a piercing ringing in his ear, and with everything he has he wills it to go away, just for a little bit so he can just think for one fucking second about whatever the fuck is happening to him right now. But it doesn’t, instead it gets louder, tormenting him, teasing him as if it knows that he just wants it to fade into tranquility. He can’t even trust his own senses, because it feels like he’s in a daze.

He can’t grasp onto reality just yet.

His head is pounding and his legs feel numb, as if they aren’t attached to his body properly. He tries to move them slightly but is met with a dagger in his sides, spreading like wildfire through his body. He groans, coughing, trying to gain as much energy as he can to open his eyes, but he's scared that if he does everything will come crashing down. 

Slowly, he takes a deep breath which sends shivers down his spine; a mix of pain and fear rushes through him as he opens his eyes. The first thing his eyes flitter upon is a cracked windshield. Confusion settles in his mind; he doesn’t remember getting into the car. He raises his left hand to reach forward, pull himself up, when he notices the blood trickling down it. Tears rush to form in Louis’ eyes, uncertain whether it's from the pain he still feels in his legs or the new found realisation that he doesn’t know why there is blood on his hand, running down his arms. 

Louis blinks and everything remains the same so he is almost certain he is awake. He tries to gather his thoughts, hone in on something. How the fuck did he end up here? Why the fuck is there so much blood? 

What the fuck happened?

That’s when Louis sees him.

Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Harry on his left, in the passenger seat. Louis’ body shivers involuntarily at the sight of Harry, unconscious, covered in a mix of blood and broken glass. He forces himself to focus his eyes, scanning Harry’s body to find the source of where it's coming from, freezing upon the realisation his hair is matted with a combination of dry and fresh blood. He knows he needs to do something, move, check Harry is okay, do something, anything, but Louis is terrified if he does anything, if he touches Harry, it will confirm the worst. 

The thought has crept swiftly into Louis' mind, nesting there, causing his heartbeat to quicken. He can’t be… Louis suppresses this thought, doesn’t entertain the idea that Harry could be... No, he won’t think about it any longer, he has to snap back into reality, he has to do something, anything.

It isn’t until he tastes his tears he realises he’s actually been crying, and it is as if a switch has been clicked, he is fulfilled with a rush of adrenaline.

Louis knows he doesn’t have time to worry, that he has to act fast. He’s running on borrowed time.

“Harry, baby, can you hear me?”

No response. 

Shit.

His senses are on overload, the irritating buzz that was in his ear gets worse, travels through the back of his mind, and it just won’t go away. He starts to hear muffled sounds again, ones that he has realised are coming from outside of the car. Like before, he wills himself to try again, to do whatever he can to make sure that Harry is alive. 

He has to fucking do something, he can’t just leave Harry in whatever state he is in. He has to get help, he has to move, get out of the fucking car and find someone who can get some goddamn help. 

He would never forgive himself if Harry dies because he couldn’t fucking move.

Louis forces himself to focus, trying his best to narrow his eyes on something, anything to keep him in touch with reality. His head is spinning, the space around him constricting his thoughts; he can’t fucking think straight, can’t grasp onto anything that is going on. 

Everything starts going blurry, his eyelids drooping, no matter how much he tries to protest. 

A wave of exhaustion has hit him, knocking out any energy he has left.

Unconsciousness crawls its way into his body, and as he drifts into an unknown realm, all he can do is pray that Harry is okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to keep this short and sweet, build a little bit of suspense. I also wanted to start in media res (this makes me sound a little more sophisticated) so that we’re straight into what happens.
> 
> Chapter 1 will hopefully be out later this week.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Please Don't Leave Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0sbkB9ac7yScNr3D9dbVKK?si=Xt6zD6r4QyymbwDQK_lPrQ)
> 
> I also have a carrd for this fic that I am planning on updating eventually. As you can see there is currently nothing on there but I plan to update it when I have some time (likely when I finish writing the fic) so that there are photos that give people the vibes of the fic - these will most likely be for the flashbacks. [Please Don't Leave Carrd](https://pleasedontleave.carrd.co/)
> 
> Both of these will be linked at these start of every chapter from now on.
> 
> My twitter: [@biggesthomestan](https://twitter.com/biggesthomestan?s=21)
> 
> Happy reading!!

Only 20 minutes to sleep

But you dream of some epiphany

Just one single glimpse of relief

To make some sense of what you've seen

―

**Epiphany, Taylor Swift**

The first thing Louis hears when he wakes again is machines beeping. His eyelids feel heavy, like he hasn’t slept for days, like he’s been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders all that time. Stirring, Louis opens his eyes, and is met with a pristine white ceiling, a light directly above him emitting a sodium yellow glow around the room. He blinks, convinced that it will fade away in that time, but remains there, and he concludes he must be awake. 

Louis’ mind is hazy, head pounding, like he’s been on a night out with the boys and drunk too many, leaving Harry to look after him as he throws up in their toilet, and deals with the hangover in the morning. 

Realisation hits him.

Harry.

Fuck.

Fucking shitting fuck.

Involuntarily, like his body knows what to do, he jolts up, although is tugged back slightly when he notices the cannula attached to his left arm. His eyes wander to the left side, where he sees it all in quick concession. The drip. The hospital bed. The chair where Lottie is sat staring directly at him, moving closer as she realises he's awake.

Hospital. 

“Louis, calm down, you’re okay, you’re in hospital. Lay back down for me please.”

Before he has time to protest, Lottie’s hand is on his back, supporting him as he gently lowers himself to lay back down. As she slips her hand from underneath, she presses the buttons on the side of his bed, causing it to prop Louis up. She perches on the edge of the bed, clasping Louis’ hand tightly, nails digging into his skin, but Louis can’t feel it.

He’s not sure if he can feel anything but numbness.

Just as Louis goes to speak, throat aching, Lottie interrupts:

“Don’t try and talk, Louis, they had to put a tube down your throat to intubate you, so it’s gonna hurt for a bit. Talking will strain it, it’s better to wait until the doctors check on you now you’re awake.”

All Louis can do is stare at her, take Lottie in. Her hair is tied back in a loose ponytail, slightly knotted in places, with her baby hairs at the front having fallen, yet they somehow frame her face. She’s wearing clothing on the fancier side: a chic, tight fitted dress, with a low v neck and thick liquorice straps, the rest of the dress the same colour. It has some intricate lace detailing around the neck and base, and Louis can just about see the thin bare of nude tights she’s wearing on her lower half. Her shoes are also just within sight; a dainty pair of charcoal midheeled brogues. She matched the outfit with some gold jewellery, drop earrings and a matching drop necklace that hangs on a thin chain. He notices the dark circles under her eyes, as if she hasn’t slept in days. She certainly looks how Louis feels. He has no idea how long he has been in hospital, but he assumes that Lottie arrived the minute she found out what had happened to him, even though the details of what actually happened are fuzzy for himself. Louis knows Lottie, and he knows that she would stake awake for days on end out of fear of being asleep when he finally awoke. Her eyes look red raw, presumably the reminisce of her having been crying, or rubbing her eyes to make sure she stays awake. Again, Louis knows Lottie: it was probably a combination of both. Lottie never cried in front of Louis growing up, but he saw her face just as it is now, puffy, and he knew what had been happening. He also heard her a few times, choked sobs that she tried to fight back and Louis wanted nothing more than anything in the world to scoop her up and hug her, tell her everything would be okay. But any time he knocked on the door to check in on her, make sure she was alright, it was like he was met with an entirely different person. Lottie has mastered the art of deflection: she will quite literally talk about anything and everything to avoid talking about what’s going on inside her mind. He knows it’s not simple, and it’s something to face eventually. But right now he has to focus on the pressing thoughts at the front of the mind:

What the fuck even happened?

A gentle, calming smile has made its way upon Lottie's face, Louis reads this as relief. He knows it would break her if she had lost him, they’ve been through so much together, overcome so much with each other by their side. Lottie has been Louis’ rock for as long as he can remember, and he has been hers. He chooses to read the expression on Lottie’s face in that moment as relief, because it momentarily makes him feel better about himself.

But just as Louis knows Lottie, Lottie also knows Louis. She knows that Harry is at the forefront of his mind. 

Louis looks at her longingly, begging for answers to the million and one questions he has: questions he can’t even ask yet and answers he’s not even sure Lottie can give. 

Tenderly, as if Louis is made of china that Lottie is watching, waiting for him to break, she lifts her hand to stroke Louis’ cheek. She then reaches over to the beige, chic bedside table positioned on the left of his bed, next to the hospital drip, and grabs a tissue from the box perched on top of it. Louis' expression shifts, slightly dumbfounded, before Lottie shifts back to face him, lifting to hold the tissue and dabs under his eyes.

Louis hadn’t even realised he was crying.

After a few seconds, Lottie reclines, giving Louis a soft smile before getting up to put the tissue in the bin in the left corner of the room by the door, Louis remaining still the entire time. She then trudges back, morphing back into her previous position. Sighing, Lottie’s head hangs low, and Louis can sense nervousness - no fear - emitting from her demeanour. 

Without warning, Louis’ heartbeat begins to quicken, he can hear it, feel it in his ears, as if at any moment he will burst if Lottie doesn’t talk. He needs to know. No matter how bad it is, no matter if it will break Louis, absolutely shatter him to pieces that might not be put back together again, he needs to know.

He needs to know if Harry is dead.

Lottie squeezes Louis’ hand as she lifts her head so her eyes meet his. He tries so desperately to read the emotions hidden in there, decipher what he can from the little she has given him so far. He can see the discomfort in them, the unease at whatever it is she is about to tell him. She scoots in closer, taking one last deep breath before she begins:

“He’s alive Louis.”

Before Lottie continues, Louis feels as though the world sighs at the revelation Lottie has just put forward, that he can breathe a little easier knowing that Harry is still here, that whatever happened - he still doesn’t remember much - didn’t kill him. His shoulders relax ever so slightly, but there is still so much tension coursing through his body, because Lottie is still looking directly at Louis, and by the way she spoke, he knows there’s more to it. He knows it’s not as simple as “Harry is alive, yay, let’s all go home now.” He sits up ever so slightly, preparing himself for what’s next, as if to slightly irk Lottie into spitting out whatever it is she’s not saying. 

Lottie goes to speak, but she stops herself just before she says anything, her head dropping down again. Louis can see the inward battle, the conflict inside her as she prepares herself to say what Louis needs to hear. Sure, he feels better knowing Harry is alive, but he’s still so fucking terrified that something bad could happened - has happen. He still feels unsettled, and he’s not sure that will go away even when Lottie does tell him what’s going on, because by her delay, he knows it’s bad. She’s just trying to find the best way to tell him. 

As the seconds pass, Louis grows impatient, therefore opts on moving his hand to nudge Lottie, reminding her there is still so much she needs to tell Louis. He’ll be grateful to know anything at this point. Lottie reacts to the touch, raising her head again to meet Louis’ eye line, and begins talking again.

“Harry sustained a very bad head injury in the car accident, they took him to surgery and they did what they could to stop the bleed. He’s in the ICU now, on a-” 

She pauses, choking on her words as the tears build up in her eyes, looking as though they are going to start spilling out any second, her voice breathy and breaking as the emotions take over her. Lottie loves Harry, they’ve grown incredibly close in the time Harry and Louis have been together, she sees him as a brother, so he can understand how difficult it must be for her to be telling Louis all this, knowing how much it’s going to hurt to hear. But she also cares about him herself, and Louis can see it so clearly, in that moment he sees just how much this has affected her, and it makes his heart ache just that bit more.

“A ventilator, Louis. They’re running some more tests, something about checking his breaking to see if they can take him off the ventilator. It’s crucial, they said, these first 24 hours tell them a lot about how he’ll recover. The doctors said they’d tell you everything when you awoke, but I told them I wanted to be the one to break it to you initially. I wanted to be there with you through it all Louis, and I'm going to continue being here. Whatever you need, I'm here. I know this is a lot to hear, and it’s gonna probably take a while for you to process.”

As soon as Lottie said the word ventilator, Louis’ brain started whirring, going crazy with an influx of thoughts, questions over what could happen to Harry. His body has been shaking the whole time, and he knows it's from fear, or dread, or both, because the room doesn’t feel cold. To be honest, Louis would have no fucking clue whether the room was hot or cold because all that is running through his brain is  _ Harry Harry Harry  _ and he’s pretty sure he’s gonna fucking vomit. He can taste his tears on his lips so he’s certain he looks an absolute mess right now; a sobbing, blubbering mess, but he can’t find it in himself to give a fuck. If he could, he would get up out of his hospital bed and run as fast as he could to wherever the ICU is so he could climb into bed with Harry after his tests are done. Louis would just lie there, hugging Harry as tight as he can. He would hug him like Harry does most mornings, who smothers him in kisses, a warm body attached to him like a koala. He would hug Harry in the hopes that if he did it well enough he would magically be better. He knows if he tried, though, he probably wouldn’t even make it past the door of his room before passing out, and what good is he to Harry then? 

Louis is so overwhelmed, he doesn’t even know if he’s been breathing properly since Lottie has been speaking, telling him all this. Is he meant to react in a certain way? Is there something you’re meant to do when you find out the love of your life is in a coma and there is not a single fucking thing you can do to help?

“Fuck, Louis, I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling right now. I know how shit this is, and there is so much I wish I could say, that I wish I could do to try and make things better. Let’s just wait until the doctors come and see what they say.”

Like it was perfectly timed, in walks a young woman. Louis' head snaps to watch as the woman approaches him. She moves to the right, where the monitor is situated by Louis’ bed. His eyes are sore, presumably he looks puffy from crying and Lottie’s attempt to wipe his tears away. He watches as the woman reads whatever is on the monitor, Louis couldn’t tell anyone for shit what that means even if you paid him. He did pretty well in science at school, but that doesn’t mean he remembers jackshit about what all of that means. Once done, she walks swiftly to stand at the end of his bed. A traditional knee length white coat covers a pale blue and white long-sleeved dress shirt and navy-blue suit pants, paired with black leather shoes with one-inch heels. She looks tired, exhausted even. God does Louis think that she too, like Lottie, looks how he fucking feels. He wouldn’t say as much though even if he could. He may be blunt, but he keeps those thoughts to himself. 

There are more pressing matters to hand.

The woman stares at Louis idly, as she did the monitor. Louis feels as though he’s being examined, from a distance however, which he feels kind of weird about, although supposes she’s just doing her job. Nevertheless, he remains looking ahead as she attempts to read whatever it is Louis is showing her. An awkward silence has made its way across the room by this point, Lottie sits remaining exactly where she is, also looking inquisitively at the young woman.

“Hello Mr Tomlinson, my name is Doctor Parker, I’ll be overlooking your treatment whilst you stay with us. As I’m sure your sister has told you, you may find it a little difficult to talk for some time so we advise that you try not to strain yourself too much. You can talk, but it will most likely hurt for a while so we advise you drink water if needed and don’t talk for extended periods of time. The less you talk, the quicker it will get better okay?”

Louis nods, at least he thinks he does. He doesn’t feel as though he has gained complete control over his body yet so God knows whether his body is doing what his brain wishes it to.

“As far as we’re concerned, you got pretty lucky with the accident. We did have to perform minor surgery to fix some internal bleeding that you suffered, but luckily there were no complications. You’ll have a few scars on your body from where the glass smashed, and obviously a scar from the surgery. Do you mind if I just have a quick look at your bandages? Just nod for me if that is okay”

Louis does so, which gives Doctor Parker the cue to approach him. Lottie moves away from Louis slightly, which gives the space for the blankets to be moved off of him and his hospital gown lifted up. He finds that a sharp wince releases itself from him as it proves to be rather tender and Doctor Park gets close enough to make sure she can inspect it properly. He watches her as she looks intently as the bandages, and once satisfied by, she takes a step back, before addressing Louis.

“You can put the hospital gown down now. You’ll have to be a little careful as the area is going to be quite sore for a while I’m afraid.”

As carefully as he can, Louis slowly pulls down his hospital gown to cover his stomach, there is a lesser amount of pain this time round as he knows to be considerate of the fact that his body is still healing physically. After this, he grabs the blankets and moves them with dexterity back over his lower body. With him feeling content with how he is in this position, there is still an underlying feeling of pain lurking throughout his body, he raises his face so it allows for his eye line to meet Doctor Parker’s as she begins talking again.

“I will talk you through changing the bandages at a later time, likely sometime in the morning. One thing I will mention now though is that we do recommend once you’re discharged that you wear soft shoes and lightweight clothing for a while so that it gives you easier mobility as your body might ache for a while. But because of how the cars collided, with you on the driver’s side, you didn’t absorb as much of the impact as Harry did.”

Louis’ heart drops upon hearing this. His heart aches for Harry so badly. 

“I can come and explain to you in greater detail at a later date, but right now there are some other things you need to know that I feel will be of better comfort to you. Harry is being monitored very closely, so any change that occurs we will be able to pick up right away. You may already know this, but as Harry is on a ventilator, this means at the moment he isn’t breathing on his own, the machine is doing this for him. The point of these tests that we’re doing is to indicate to us whether it would be safe for us to wean him off the ventilator and see if he is able to breathe on his own. I know this might be very overwhelming for you right now, Louis, but I promise Harry is in the best care and we are doing whatever we can. It may take a while for you to process all of this and if you feel you need it, our team can set you up with counselling. We have a specialist who works at the hospital with trauma patients who can refer you to places they believe will benefit you, as well as hearing out anything you would like to talk through. Aside from that, right now I can only imagine you have many questions that you would like to ask us. If you would like, you may ask one now, and then we can have a proper discussion after you rest a little.”

Louis just blinks. 

He does only this because he thinks any sudden movement will cause all the thoughts that have infiltrated his mind to bury even deeper, make a home there, causing his brain to implode on itself. 

Louis knows he has to ground himself, bring himself back to reality. Zoning out is his forte, this moment certainly calling for it as he tries to force his brain to string a cohesive thought together, to function properly, ask the question that etched in his mind so fiercely his skin feels as though it were alight. 

“Can I see him?”

Fuck, Louis’ throat feels as though he just swallowed molten lava. 

Sputtering, Louis falls forward, clutching for dear life at his throat as he tries so desperately to gasp for any air he can. Before he knows it, a glass of water has made its way to his lips, the cool, soothing liquid coursing down his throat. It relieves the initial burning, although Louis now realises, understands even, that it’s gonna take a while before this goes away. 

As the glass parts from his lips, Louis learns that he has closed his eyes in the process of his coughing fit, not taking in who has come so quickly to help him. He pries them open, slowly, only to see two concerned faces staring intently at him, one of which is perched on his bed with the glass still in hand.

Lottie.

God, does Louis Tomlinson fucking love his sister.

There’s a shift in Lottie’s expression as Louis meets her eye line, as he gives her what he hopes to be a soft smile of gratitude. He mouths the word thanks (he know how stupid it would be to speak after what just fucking happened), and Lottie mirrors the intended expression back. With care, Lottie turns her head away, focusing on the table next to Louis to place the glass down by the tissue box.

“You can see him if you want, but not for long, it’s important that you rest Louis, as I have said, your body itself is recovering from a trauma, and not just physically. His mother is with him at the moment, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you spent just a few moments alone with Harry.”

Fuck.

Anne. 

Anne has been like a mother to Louis since pretty much the first time they met. She's been a real comfort to Louis, phoning him as much as she can to check in on him, making sure he’s doing alright. He’s eternally grateful for the love he has received from Harry’s family, he really can’t quite believe how lucky he is if he’s honest with himself.

It hasn’t occurred to him until how much it is gonna fucking hurt seeing Anne, knowing the state Harry is. But it also terrifies him, because God fucking knows how she’s gonna react. Louis knows he's being irrational, but there is just part of him that holds this impending fear that Anne is gonna hate him - gonna blame him - for what happened. It’s stupid, really, considering that Louis doesn’t even remember what exactly went down; the doctors seem to know more that he does about it at this point. But it’s still there, festering away in his mind, and the only way of knowing for sure is if he sees Anne in the flesh, and speaks (or at least tries to) to her.

Everything has faded away and Louis just stares in front of him. He’s switched off from reality again, caught up in his own mind. It’s only when Doctor Park starts speaking once more that he brings himself back to the present.

“Why don’t I give you and Lottie a moment alone to discuss things over whilst I organise getting you a wheelchair and let Anne know you’re on your way?”

Louis’ eyes flicker across Doctor Parker’s face, looking for the emotions she conveys on her face. She seems… genuine, like she really cares, she actually gives a fuck. It might seem like a quality all people should have, doctors in particular given what it is they do, but Louis has seen how easy it is for people to get lost in the harsh world they live in, so seeing this, so clearly in front of his very eyes means a lot. It’s comforting.

It’s also familiar. It’s ingrained in Harry too.

As he turns to face Lottie, the door creaks then shuts behind Doctor Parker as she exits the room, leaving Lottie and Louis alone to talk.

“Louis, you don’t have to do this right away. You’ve been in a major car accident which you’re recovering from yourself. It’s okay for you to rest first. Harry would understand.”

Louis shakes his head at this. Lottie is right, hell, Harry would tell him to rest up first and worry about everything later. But he needs to do this. He can’t pinpoint why now, maybe it’s the unexplainable guilt that is beginning to gnaw away at him. He has to face the music at some point so why not bite the bullet and get it over and done with. 

“Now.”

A sharp pain makes it way down Louis’ throat, not as bad as the first time he spoke but still fucking painful. He coughs slightly, Lottie’s hand on his back straight away rubbing circles soothingly like she did when they got ill as kids. It’s a bit different now, to say the least, but he appreciates the sentiment.

Sighing, Lottie inhales deeply before pulling Louis close into a bear hug. He didn’t know until he was completely encompassed by her that it was exactly what he needed and it feels… nice. It’s reassuring.

“Okay, but you have to promise me you will rest afterwards. Promise me Louis.”

Louis sniffles, then nods, relaxing further into Lottie’s embrace. His head falls delicately onto her shoulder, surprisingly comfortable, although he figures this is most likely due to the fact the majority of his body is in a state of discomfort right now. But Louis doesn’t wanna be a dick, he knows he can be a stubborn fucker at the best of times and Lottie has had to suffer the brunt of it over the years.

“Thank you Lottie.”

This time, although it still hurts, the pain comparable to swallowing sandpaper (He commends himself for his creative comparisons even though he hasn’t got a fucking clue what any of these would feel like, obviously. Nevertheless, they remain for dramatic purposes), it is better, because this time, Louis doesn’t cough.

“You should drink some more water, that will help, let me get it for you.”

She breaks away from the hug and leans over to grab the jug to pour out more water. Glass now full, she turns back to Louis, handing it to him carefully. There is just enough strength in Louis’ body to hold the cup firm enough to drink from it.

When he is done, he reaches out to hand the glass back to Lottie. Upon retrieving it, she places back where it was on the table next to his bed. Turning back to Louis, the two make eye contact. Louis scans her face, deciphers her emotions. She’s worried, he can tell this even without looking at her, anyone would be. But as his eyes hover over Lottie’s face, he notices her eyes have begun to water slightly. Her eyes turn glassy; she fights back the tears that evidently long to be set free. She’s being strong for Louis and it breaks his heart. He inclines his body towards her, picking up on her hands in his, watching as he does so to make sure that he doesn’t strain himself. They’re surprisingly cold, and begin to shake ever so slightly. Louis hasn’t realised until this moment how fucking stupid he has been.

He almost fucking died. Shit.

“I’m okay, Lottie. I’m alive”

A boisterous burst of laughter makes its way out of Lottie, her lungs feeding the airiness to it. 

And then, a switch flips. 

The floodgates open.

Lottie just cries. 

It starts loud, almost ear piercing, as she grips onto Louis’ hands for dear life. Then come the choked sobs. This is hard for Louis, it hurts seeing his sister so distraught and doesn’t know what the fuck he is meant to do because deep down he knows that she needs to let these emotions out or else they’ll fester, bubble under the surface and strike at the wrong time.

After a few minutes, Lottie reaches a state of sniffles only, and Louis remains looking at her, stroking her hand gently to reassure her.

“Fuck, Louis. I was so scared when I got the call. Do you wanna know what I was fucking doing before that? I was in my bedroom struggling to choose my outfit because I split coffee on the dress I had planned to wear at our lunch. The lunch that I planned. And when they told me what had happened, the first thing I thought was that “it will be my fault if anything happens,” and so I begged that you were okay, that Harry was okay. Because I would never forgive myself. I know that I was being stupid and irrational because there was no way of me knowing that something like that would happen. But still. I am just so fucking thankful that the both of you are alive.”

“Not your fault, Lottie.”

Mine, Louis thinks. 

He has been trying to rack his brain in the background ever since he woke up, but he still doesn’t remember much, though this idea has been eating away at him since he woke up that he is the one that should be held accountable if anything happens. He chooses against vocalising this thought, however, because in reality it won’t make Lottie feel any better. He’ll keep this to himself, for now, until he can remember more clearly what happened.

“I know Louis, I’ll get over it in time, I think I just needed to let my emotions go for once. You know how I am, not much of a talker about this kind of stuff. We didn’t have time for talking through our feelings and tears growing up, so I guess it’s what’s caused me to internalise stuff.”

“Counselling?”

The word catches in the back of Louis throat, the tickle causing an abrupt and sudden cough. He sees Lottie reaching for the water again but waves his hand around to signal that he’s okay. Even though Lottie has let out her emotions, she still seems on edge, tense. He wants to hear this, it’s important to him. In some way, he feels it will comfort him, if not distract him slightly, from the fact that he is going to be seeing Harry soon. The drone of  _ Harry Harry Harry  _ at the back of his mind still hasn’t gone, it’s just turned down a bit for now. Louis isn’t sure when this will switch off, if it ever will, so being here, in this moment, listening to his sister helps him just as much as it helps her.

“Maybe, I dunno if it’s my thing really. I suppose I could ask someone here for advice. One of the doctors spoke to me briefly whilst I was in the waiting room when you were in surgery, he mentioned it, counselling I mean. They said because I’m a close family member, these things can have a deeper effect on you than you may realise to begin with because you’re still dealing with the shock of it all, coming to terms with the reality of the situation loved one or loved ones are in. He said he could tell by the way I spoke about you that we were close. I didn’t say much, just that you’ve been my rock for as long as I can remember, but I think it was enough for him to gage the kind of sibling relationship we have, and how something like this would affect me. He was sweet, I could see if I could find him again, find out if he has any recommendations to pass on specifically, the details to it all and all that jazz. You should do the same, Louis, not him specifically, but Doctor Parker perhaps, get her to explain it to you. Properly. You’re gonna have to talk about things at some point. It doesn’t have to be right away, I know you’re probably still processing and it’s important you recover physically. But don’t dismiss it right away, okay?”

He sighs at this, he knows it’s something he is going to have to think about, whether he wants to or not. It’s not exactly the top of his priority list at the moment, there are certainly things that Louis needs to sort out before he can even take the time to take a step back and focus on himself.

Nevertheless, he nods, muttering “okay” faintly. It’s not a lie persay, just not a pressing matter. He’ll deal with it later.

Unbeknownst to him, Louis is slightly taken aback as he looks down to see that he has been fidgeting slightly, his hands gripping at the blankets that lie across him. It’s a bad habit of his, one that gets worse and more intense when he’s on edge (which he is aware is probably gonna be the state he is in for quite some time, which isn’t really a good thing if he’s being honest with himself).

Louis can’t explain exactly how he feels right now. He’s just so fucking tired and a huge part of him wishes that everything and everyone would just disappear so he can curl in on himself and wallow in his sadness. Wouldn’t be the most effective ideas of Louis’ but rationality is hardly something at the forefront of his mind.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. I know you’re scared about what it’s gonna be like seeing Harry. I wish I could help you prepare for it, but it gonna fucking suck no matter when you do it. I’ll be right outside the whole time so if you need anything at all I’m at your beck and call. Within reason however. You better not take fucking advantage of my kindness here and turn me into a snacks servant. Don’t think I haven’t forgotten what you fucking pulled when we were younger, making me wait on you hand and foot because you didn’t feel well. Such a sneaky little shit, those are hours, hours Louis, that I will never get back.”

There’s such a warmthness to her tone, a lightheartedness that he needs. He chuckles slightly as he recalls what he did. Lottie ignored him for three days after that. She gave in and spoke to him because there was a movie she really wanted to watch with him that was on tv.

Surprisingly, Louis finds he remains smiling. He didn’t think he would be able to do that, not in the short time that he’s been awake and everything he has had to digest so far. It feels good, laughing, it might not be the most he has ever laughed (those times have been reserved by Harry), and it might not have been the longest he has laughed for (okay this one he can give the title to Niall; definitely a story for another day), but it's enough. For now.

He clears his throat, there still a lingering burn from when he last spoke. He knows he should try not to talk too much, but right now the idea of keeping the lightheartedness going is helping Louis remain calm.

“What can I say, I’m a pro at getting my way.”

“Yeah, you can say that again. You still owe me at least five packs of sweets that you promised you would buy for me on various occasions because I let you have some of mine.”

“Mmh, if I’m feeling generous, I might-”

Before he can finish, Louis is interrupted by the door opening again. 

Doctor Parker and a wheelchair.

Fuck. 

This is it.

Calmness? Yeah, what the fuck is that? Louis has never heard of such a thing.

Every fibre in Louis’ being is alight right now, his sudden restlessness coming back very evident to both Lottie and Doctor Parker, as he feels their watchful eyes upon him as he stares instantly at the wheelchair in front of him. It’s pretty chic, for a public hospital at least. In any other circumstances, Louis would be over the moon at the concept of riding around in a wheelchair. He could see him and Liam messing around, whizzing around the hospital, playing dodgems with everything else in their path. But the fact that he knows where he is going, what the journey by wheelchair is going to lead him too, all he feels is the gaping black hole at the bottom of his stomach sucking all rationality and joy out of him, leaving him in a cesspit of fear.

Fuck.

It’s happening.

“Are you absolutely sure you want to do this now Louis, your body is still healing and I would advise that you rest first, both from a medical point of view and personal point of view?”

Louis' eyes make their way to meet Doctor Parker’s. The concern that was there before remains, and for a split second he considers what she has just said. He could wait, sleep for a few hours, hopefully have a clearer mind, figure out what he’ll say to Anne, what he’ll say to Harry. But his mind wanders to Harry: he thinks of him lying there in a hospital bed, and that thought alone is enough to confirm in his mind what he wants to do, needs to even.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

The sensation in his throat isn't a pleasant one following this, but he doesn’t know if this is from talking or a deeper psychological thing, like his body making him feel sicker than he actually is cos if he’s completely honest with himself, Louis is shitting it. 

A heavy sigh releases itself from Lottie, and Louis thinks that she might be more worried than he is. He concludes as such because she would not only be worried about Anne’s reaction to seeing Louis, but also how Louis is going to react when he finally sees Harry.

Harry.

Fuck, it takes everything in Louis to remain focused, not drift away to some imaginary place where everything is as it once was.

Before his mind can wander any more, Doctor Parker’s hand makes its way to rest on Louis' back, the other lifting the covers, exposing legs and the rest of the gown that Louis is dressed in. If he had the time, he would use it to question how the fuck they managed to get him changed, but he knows that time is better mentally preparing what he is going to say when he sees Anne. He doesn’t have the time to think about this, nor does he particularly want to consider just how many people may have seen him naked. 

Focus, Louis. Focus.

He finds the strength within him to aid Doctor Parker’s attempt at getting him into the wheelchair she has now placed next to his bed. The floor is surprisingly cold when his feet make contact with it, registering in his brain just as he looks down that he is barefoot. A slight stumble occurs, but Lottie is stood close on the other, and the two work together to help lower Louis into the chair without any further casualties.

With the wheelchair turned so Louis faces the door, as he looks up in front of him, he’s met with the eyes of one of the interns from before. She seems on edge for a second, but relaxes when she finally registers that Louis is in fact looking directly at her. A warm smile spreads across her face, so much so Louis decides there and then he likes this one. He thinks she’s got potential: she isn’t afraid to show reassurance despite whatever may be going on in her personal life.

“Can you give us a minute, I just want to talk to Louis alone before we go quickly?”

Lottie’s voice is the one that breaks the awkward silence that has commandeered the room.

“Of course, I’ll wait outside.”

Doctor Parker slips out once again with ease, making minimal noise, but Louis isn’t given the chance to see her exist completely, as Lottie makes her way to crouch down in front of him. She shuffles in close, Louis able to pick up on the heaviness in her breath, a slight irregularity in her breathing pattern that Louis puts down to worry. Gently grabbing Louis’ hands, she clasps them tightly in her, whilst simultaneously clearing her throat.

Louis is ready for a lecture.

“You’re not gonna wanna hear this but I’m gonna say it anyway-”

“Don’t nag Lottie, too tired for that.”

“Will you please just shut the fuck up and let me speak?”

A nod is all that Louis dares to give in response.

“Louis, I need you to promise me that if it gets too much for you seeing Harry like that you tell me immediately. I know what you’re like, you’ll push yourself until burnout and I don’t want you doing that in this situation. It’s not gonna be any kind of fun what you’re doing right now, so I need your word that you will be honest with me about how you’re feeling. Okay?”

He wasn’t sure what he expected, but nevertheless every word Lottie just said is important. He knows that some part of his brain will withhold something from Lottie, most likely involuntarily or before Louis has the chance to declare the truth. That being said, he’s gonna try and be as honest as possible, for Lottie’s sake above all.

“Okay.”

He whispers this, he hopes to save his voice so he can try talking a bit more when gets to Harry. If Anne lets him see him that is.

“Ready?”

Lottie has made her way round to behind Louis, hands on the handles at the back of the wheelchair ready to help push him forward. It only hits him then that he is going to have to get used to travelling by wheelchair for a little while, just while his body recuperates and gets some of its strength back.

Deep breath.

Inhale.

Hold.

Exhale.

“Ready.”

~

The journey to Harry’s room isn’t much out of the ordinary for what would be expected for a hospital, although Louis is convinced he blacks out for the most of it, because before he knows it he sees her.

Anne.

Shit. 

She must hear them approach, because her head darts swiftly round from facing what Louis presumes is Harry’s room to looking directly at them. Standing there, staring at Louis intently, she wears a long thing black t-shirt combined with dark denim, mid-rise, boot-cut jeans. Louis also makes out a beige cardigan underneath an auburn single breasted trench coat that stops at her knees, black loafers with a beige heel to complete the outfit. Despite the formal wear, she remains very disheveled, clearly showing that she was in a rush to get to the hospital. It hits Louis, hard, seeing Anne like this, now so close as he is brought to a halt.

Louis gulps, willing a part of him to now only swallow the nervous buildup of saliva he has stored (he realises how disgusting this actually sounds) across the course of the journey from room to room, but also that impending fear that has risen from the depths of his stomach to his mouth.

Louis thinks this is when he might be sick.

Anne looks as if she wants to speak so desperately, but doesn’t begin. She also doesn’t get the chance as a slender woman exits in the room Anne is facing, and moves to stand in front of Louis, with Doctor Parker standing on her right. Her attire shows itself to be very similar to Doctor Parker, the only difference is she wears a salmon pink and white long sleeved button up shirt instead. Louis still feels Anne’s piercing eyes from behind the small wall of doctors in front of him, but he tries as much as he can to push those thoughts and feelings away and turn his attention to those standing directly in front of him.

“My name is Doctor Cooper, I’ll be the main doctor overseeing Harry’s treatment, although due to the complexity of his injuries, there may be doctors from other departments that help work towards an effective recovery for Harry. Doctor Parker has explained that she gave you a very brief rundown of Harry’s condition. This is something I will come by to discuss with you in greater detail at some point, although for now I understand your priorities lie with actually getting to see Harry. We are gonna have to ask as you are recovering yourself that this visit is kept slightly shorter, as you also being a patient under our care means we have a duty to make sure you don’t strain yourself and do too much too fast.”

Louis just about managed to stay coherent enough to hear what the doctor has said, but since his eyes have wandered to what he now knows where Harry is, they’ve been glued to the door ever since. 

He feels a hand gently rub his shoulder, gently enough so the coarse material of the hospital gown doesn’t rub too much against his skin. He doesn’t need to turn around because he knows that it’s Lottie trying to calm him down, not let him drift away from reality and make sure he stays in the moment.

“I can understand you may have some questions before you go in, would you like to ask any?”

Louis goes to speak but something stops him. 

He sees Anne standing there staring at him. She’s moved so that her and Louis have a direct view of each other again. He tries so hard to read her, understand the expression on her face because he just needs to fucking know if she blames him.

“Can I go with him? Just briefly, for a second to get him positioned so he’s ready to talk to Harry? Then I can come right back out, give them a little time alone.”

Lottie’s calming voice speaking up to talk reassures Louis that at least someone is present at the moment and doing their best to make sure things go well. He turns his attention to face the doctors in front of him at this, eyes tearing away from where they had met Anne’s. 

“Of course, just to get Louis settled. You may want to run that past Anne first, I'm not sure if she still wishes to stay with Harry for some time and I don't want it to be too overcrowded in there for your first visit Louis.”

“Lottie can go in. That’s fine with me.”

Anne speaks for the first time since they’ve been there.

Yeah, Louis is definitely gonna be fucking sick.

But he’s shocked. She’s okay with Lottie going in with Louis to visit Harry so that must mean she’s okay with Louis going in, which leads Louis to believe that she might be okay. Still, he doesn’t wanna get his hopes up, after all she may just be being polite as Harry is Louis’ partner after all. She also has kept her distance up until now.

No, Louis isn’t gonna assume. He needs to hear it from Anne herself.

“Well then,” Doctor Cooper begins, “are you ready to go in?”

Lottie leans down to whisper in Louis’ left ear, her hand having remained resting on his shoulder the whole time as if to remind him she’s still there.

“You’re gonna be okay. I promise you Louis.”

A smile finds its way across his face, followed by him lifting his right hand to cross over and lay on top of Lottie’s.

Fuck.

Louis is really doing this.

He’s seeing Harry.

Where the fuck is a bin to be sick in when Louis needs it? 

“Can I speak to Louis for a second first please, if that’s okay with you Louis.”

This time, it’s not Lottie speaking like Louis would expect. It’s Anne.

“Yeah. I mean yeah of course.”

A tickle in Louis’ throat fights its way to overpower him, goading him to cough but Louis doesn’t let it. He might not be able to control how Anne reacts or whatever is going to happen to Harry, but he can at least try to control this.

The two doctors in front of him part as if Louis is a VIP guest ready to be pushed down the red carpet. On another occasion, Louis may have felt a lot more luxurious, but he knows now is not the time for such things. Lottie’s hands retract from his shoulders and he feels her move to position herself to grab the handles, propelling him steadily forward toward where Anne stands.

Louis tells himself that whatever he does, he will not look to his right where the door to Harry’s room will be once he is closer to Anne. It takes everything in him not to peak through the translucent glass he sees tormenting him in his peripheral vision, but he manages to persevere nonetheless.

Louis feels the chair jolt, coming to a sharp stop as he is now directly in front of Anne. Lottie moves round to stand on Louis’ left crouching down once more so she is level with him, before beginning to talk.

“I’ll be right over by the nurses desk if you need me, I’m just going to talk to the doctors and ask them some more questions. You can do this Louis, it will be okay in the end. It may not feel like it right now but it will get better.”

He turns round to watch Lottie walk over to the doctors now behind him, assuming she must tell them to move further away so they stand on the other side of the nurses desk which would allow them to talk without being heard by Louis. It also means Lottie won’t have the urge to eavesdrop on Louis and Anne’s brief conversation. Before he can see where Lottie ends up, his eyes fall upon Anne as he just takes in the view in front of him. She looks tired, exhausted even. Worse than Lottie by any means. He can’t imagine what she is going through right now, the ache that she must feel having so see her child lying in a hospital bed knowing there isn’t anything she can do. He gulps as Anne’s eyes flicker over his face. He wonders what she is searching for. Guilt? Remorse? He almost expects her to shout at him for being so reckless, but what happens is not what he had expected. 

Anne leans forward and hugs him. Anne is hugging Louis. Anne is hugging Louis? What the fuck. But that’s all it takes for Louis to go, as choked sobs like Lottie’s before begin to release themself from Louis’ fragile being.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

This is all he can make out before a wave of shhhs from Anne. If he had the energy, Louis would speak more, ask Anne why she isn’t annoyed at him. But Louis is so fucking drained and teriffied of what it’s going to be like seeing Harry lying there that all he can think about is embracing the moment. Louis understands why Harry is such a great hugger as it seems he learnt from the best: Anne. Because she hugs Louis in the right way, which may sound strange, it does as Louis thinks this, but he knows what he means. It’s not too much that it’s smothering and cutting off his circulation, but also not too little that he feels he could slip out of her embrace with ease. No, it's perfect actually. It comforts Louis more than he’ll ever be able to express.

Anne gradually pulls back as she feels Louis breathing begin to regulate again and the tears stop trickling down his cheeks. She reaches down to unzip the burnt orange handbag placed by her feet on her left, retrieving a packet of tissues from inside and carefully opening them to pull one out. She then faces Louis once more and leans forward to dap under his eyes, followed by taking one out for herself and doing the same. Louis hadn’t realised she had been crying too, but it doesn’t surprise him, not when Harry is the way he is.

“Look at us, we’re a right pair aren’t we? God, I didn’t expect myself to cry this soon. I almost did the moment I saw you but promised I would hold myself together for your sake, just while you see him for the first time. Oh Louis, I’m so sorry darling.”

Like a reflex, Louis promptly shakes his head at this, sniffly as his nose is running. At least it’s something to focus on over the burning sensation in his throat that seems determined to make sure Louis knows that it isn’t going anywhere no matter how much he tries to over power it. Still, he perseveres. 

“You’re not…” 

He hesitates, there is still residual nerves coursing through Louis right now, but he needs to get this out.

“You’re not mad?”

“Oh Louis, of course I’m not mad, far from it in fact. I know it was an accident, this is not your fault okay? And if you’re wondering why I didn’t come over before, well I wanted Harry’s doctor to have a chance to speak with you briefly first, but I also had no idea how coherent you would be, whether you would even be up for holding a conversation. I wanted to do my best to make sure that your priority remains with Harry and yourself. I can see just by how you were when you were being wheeled down the hallway that you’re nervous, scared even, which you have every right to be. I didn’t want to add to that, but I apologise if you felt I showed animosity towards you, I can assure you that was the furthest thing from what I intended. I guess my facial expressions of concern weren’t as clear as they could have been. I love you Louis, and that’s not going to change because of this accident.”

Louis knows he could very easily start crying again, but he needs to brace himself for seeing Harry as he knows it's fast approaching and he wants to have as much time with him as possible.

“Thank you.”

It’s a simple response, but enough. Anne and Louis both know it.

“Let’s get you in to see Harry okay?”

“Okay.”

It’s then that the next few minutes become a blur of Anne calling Lottie and the doctors over, Lottie’s hands on the back of Louis’ wheelchair, him being rotated and pushed towards the door to Harry’s room, where Anne has moved to. She opens it, entering first, followed by Lottie still pushing Louis in. He hears another set of footsteps follow him in, who moves to stand in the right corner of the room by the end of Harry’s bed. Louis learns that this is Doctor Cooper, which makes sense seeing as she’s Harry doctor so she should be in here as well. Lottie guides Louis so that he ends up by Harry’s bed on the left, parking him there before retreating to join Anne who still remains behind holding the door open.

Louis’ head is going to fucking explode.

“You can speak to him. Research shows it helps for loved ones to speak to those comatose, and there is evidence to suggest that some patients are still able to hear what is being said. Start by introducing yourself, it’s important for them to be aware of who is in the room with them.”

Doctor Cooper’s voice is the only thing that breaks the chilling atmosphere in the room.

“I’ll leave you and Lottie to quickly talk.”

Just like Doctor Parker, Doctor Cooper slips out of the room, effortlessly, making minimal sound.

“I’ll wait outside too. It’s important you have this moment for yourself.”

Anne. All Louis can do is nod at this, he owes it to her to at least show he has acknowledged what she has said. 

As she exits, the door shuts behind her. Lottie, Louis and Harry are the ones that remain in the room.

“I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you for doing this, and I’m right outside ready if you need anything. I know that this is so fucking overwhelming, but you will make it through this, and I will do whatever is needed to make sure of that. You’ve got this Louis, it’s Harry remember yeah?”

Like he could forget.

“You be good now Harry, no funny business from you mister.”

Lottie places a soft kiss on the crown of Louis ruffled hair, and makes her way out of the room. The door opens, then the door closes once.

Just Louis and Harry left now.

Harry.

Louis takes one final deep breath before readying himself to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make it a point to talk about both physical and mental wellbeing as there is sometimes still a stigma around mental health, in particular for men. I will link some carrds below that you guys can use if you feel you need them, and my twitter dms are always open if you ever want to talk. You matter, and talking about how you feel is important.
> 
> Chapter 2 should hopefully be up within the next week or so, just like to do the final read throughs and tweaks before I post. A little hint, this will be the first chapter with a flashback and from then on all of them will have flashbacks.
> 
> Have a great day :)
> 
> [checkpoint.carrd.co](https://checkpoint.carrd.co/)  
> [geniusisnootfound.carrd.co](https://genesisnootfound.carrd.co/)  
> [supportingyou.carrdco](https://supportingyou.carrd.co/)


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Please Don't Leave Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0sbkB9ac7yScNr3D9dbVKK?si=Xt6zD6r4QyymbwDQK_lPrQ)  
> [Please Don't Leave Carrd](https://pleasedontleave.carrd.co/)  
> My twitter: [@biggesthomestan](https://twitter.com/biggesthomestan?s=21)
> 
> Happy reading!!

If today I woke up with you right beside me

Like all of this was just some twisted dream

I'd hold you closer than I ever did before

And you'd never slip away

―

**Amnesia, 5 Seconds of Summer**

“Hey. It’s me, Louis.”

That’s all he can get out before he just takes the time to stare at the Harry in front of him. There’s a tube down his throat connected to a machine on the side, Louis watches it for a second, his eyes then flicker to Harry's chest. Up. Down. Up. Down. Louis can’t give the fact that Harry can’t even fucking breath on his own any more thought. That’s for another time; he’ll deal with it later. He also doesn’t think about the scratches on Harry’s face and the state of his hair; slightly matted and greasy, a section of it covered in a bandage, presumably where they had to do surgery. He doesn’t think about them cutting into Harry’s brain, doing whatever they can to fix the damage. He doesn’t think about the fact that all he wants to do is climb into Harry’s fucking hospital bed and hold him until he’s better. He doesn’t think about any of these things because if he does, it wouldn’t stop. 

Louis makes the decision he needs to focus on Harry and talking to him. He feels so fucking weird doing this, having a one sided conversation with Harry. Of course, he has had these before on many occasions, as Harry is very easily distracted by just about anything and everything, but he knows they’re not comparable really. He knows he needs to do this though, he needs to suck his shit up and get past the awkwardness he feels right now.

“Fuck, I don’t… I’m so sorry Harry. I’ll never forgive myself if anything-”

He cuts himself off, his throat is beginning to burn again and he doesn’t want to go on because he knows he needs to stop thinking like that. He doesn’t want to entertain the idea any more than before, because he knows there is still every chance that something could go wrong. Somehow it seems as though his throat isn’t the only thing that feels like it's on fire. A chill rushes down Louis' back, the minute hairs on the back of his neck springing up whilst his skin becomes covered with a layer of goosebumps. He has to say something though, anything. He just has to fucking open his mouth and talk.

“I love you Harry, so stay with me please baby. I don’t wanna lose you.”

Inhaling deeply, he fights back the urge to both cough and cry. God, he feels fucking pathetic here begging Harry who might not be able to even hear him.

He then remembers something, something just enough to make him smile.

“We didn’t finish our puzzle. You spent ages searching for the missing corner piece and then we must have got distracted, so we left it on the dining table. So if you stay for anything, stay so you can finish the puzzle with me yeah. It won’t be the same without you.”

That’s all that Louis can bring himself to say right now, he’s hoping he’ll have plenty of time to talk to Harry, saying everything he needs to. What he’s managed to get out is enough. It has to be.

Luckily, Lottie placed Louis’ wheelchair close enough to the bed that he doesn’t have to stretch much to hold Harry’s hand. It’s warm, and a beat later Louis realises it’s because of the ventilator making sure oxygen remains circulating around Harry’s body. 

It doesn’t feel the same though. It doesn’t feel like Harry. Maybe that’s some kind of psychological thing. Whatever the fuck it is, Louis doesn’t like it, not at all.

He realises he might not have much time left, and he wants to say goodbye properly.

“I’m going to have to go soon Harry, but I’ll be back as soon as I can yeah. Don’t get up to anything too exciting without me, don’t wanna miss out on any of the fun.”

Once finished, still holding Harry’s hand in his own, he carefully lifts it, simultaneously bending down to meet in the middle, and places a soft kiss on the centre of the top of his hand. His lips linger there, his body alight at the intimate connection between his lips and Harry’s skin. He doesn’t think about the last time he did this. He’ll search for that memory another time.

Still connected, he speaks tenderly, as if to transmit what he is saying into Harry’s bloodstream, sending his words of affection throughout Harry’s body so they remain with him always, even when he isn’t there with him.

“There will never be another. You are where I begin and where I end and everything in between.”

Unwillingly, a few tears manage to escape, though Louis just lets them glide down his cheeks.

He just sits there holding Harry’s hand, enjoying this short amount of time they have to just be in each other’s presence. He even manages to momentarily zone out the whirring of the ventilator and other machines that surround the head of Harry’s bed. By rote, his thumb carefully grazes across Harry’s hand, steadying himself and removing him briefly from the chaos that lives in his head. He tries his best to keep his mind empty, just simply focusing on the connection between their skin, how it feels both physically and mentally.

A knock at the door is the first thing to break the moment.

“You can come in.”

Opening the door gradually, someone walks in, and Louis expects it to be Lottie, but when they move to stand across from Louis, on the other side of the bed, he realises it isn’t her, but it’s Doctor Cooper instead. It should make complete sense, she is Harry’s doctor after all, but he can’t help but feel slightly odd, he has only just met the woman.

“Hi Louis, Lottie just had to take a quick phone call, a work thing, and she said it should be okay for me to come in instead.”

“What about Anne?”

“Gemma called just as you came in here, needed to organise her flight to make sure it was okay with Anne what time she was landing and where she would be staying.”

In other circumstances, Louis would have jumped at the chance to offer Gemma to stay over. This isn’t an option this time, as it would feel weird having someone living in Louis and Harry's home whilst the both of them are in hospital. He’s sure Gemma and Anne will understand this, but makes a mental note (not that they are the most trustworthy things as Louis has a tendency to forget just about everything) to explain this to them both once Gemma arrives and Louis feels a little better.

“Right, okay.”

“Louis, I know that this is a lot to take in, but it’s my job to answer any questions you may have to the best of my ability. As I’m sure, there are some bigger questions I don’t have an answer to as it’s out of my control or we do not have the information for me to give you a satisfactory answer. That being said, there are some things I can answer if you would like to ask them. Maybe just one for now, the rest we can get to tomorrow after you’ve slept, it is getting rather late.”

Gulping, Louis racks his brain of all the questions he could possibly ask. He understands what Doctor Cooper means by there are some bigger questions she cannot answer at all, like whether Harry will make it through, and some she cannot answer yet, like how long Harry might be in a coma for. There’s plenty that he is eager to learn, but seeing as he only has one question, a golden ticket, he has to ask a pressing one. 

So he does just that.

“Is he in any pain?”

“When the accident happened, it is likely that it would have hurt, although we cannot be certain for how long or how much. It does seem that he was knocked unconscious, as you both were, almost immediately, though we have no way of knowing for certain if whilst you were unconscious he was awake for a while before passing out again from his injuries. If he was in any pain, it wouldn’t have been for that long, as you were both attended to very quickly and you were both unconscious when you entered the ambulances.”

“And now?”

“Now, It is very unlikely he can feel any pain. As he is in a coma, he is unresponsive to everything, this including pain. There have been case studies suggesting some patients feel pain just as much as those conscious would, but this is a mere few in comparison to those we know have come out of a coma saying they did not feel any kind of pain. Unfortunately, I cannot say with one hundred percent certainty that he isn’t in pain, but I strongly believe that he isn’t based on what we know already.”

“Okay.”

Fuck. Wow, that was certainly a lot to take in. It hasn’t been fully processed in Louis’ mind yet, but he chooses to focus as much as he can on the fact there is a very low chance that Harry feels any pain right now, the alternative being a dangerous route to go down if considered for an extended period of time. It feels that someone has lifted a small weight off of his shoulders, albeit there are still loads that remain.

“I’m afraid it’s time for you to be taken back to bed, it’s important that your body is given time to rest, or at the very least the chance to try. You’ll be allowed back tomorrow, although whilst you’re still recovering, for the next few days at least, these visits will have to be shorter than if you weren’t a patient, this as I’m sure Doctor Parker has told you, you have to take care of yourself too. That means sticking to sleeping in your bed please, a proper bed until we discharge you, as much as you may wish to camp out here.”

Louis goes to speak but is stopped before he has the chance.

“Yes, you will be notified right away if anything significant happened whilst you’re sleeping. I can pop by with Doctor Parker in the morning at some point if that would help reassure you as well.”

Louis chuckles slightly, turning from where his eyes have been glued to Harry the whole time and meets Doctor Cooper’ eye. He manages to also give her a small smile as he does so, which she mirrors back.

“Yes, thank you. Have you done this before by any chance, you’re a natural.”

This draws out a prompt laugh from Doctor Cooper.

“Yes, just a few times.”

Louis turns back to face Harry, who unsurprisingly looks just as he did when he last looked at him. The only difference is he (well, technically the machine) is inhaling whereas when he looked away he (again, technically the machine) was exhaling. Yes, Louis, may have already remembered the pattern of the ventilator already, and no he will not admit this to anyone, though he would bet good money that Doctor Cooper would be able to work that out just by looking at him. After all, she’s done this before, just a few times.

He then hears the sounds of a pen scribbling against paper, so turns to see Doctor Cooper writing something down on a piece of paper in a baby blue folder. He just about makes out Harry’s name on it, but has no fucking clue where it came from, unless she pulled it out of her asshole. That is until he glances down at the foot of the bed and sees a matching blue container clipped a smidge bigger than the folder, so it clicks that is where it came from. It would, however, have been pretty impressive if she _had_ managed to pull the folder out of her asshole - yeah, no on second thoughts maybe not actually (eww why the fuck is he like this?). Luckily, he isn’t given the time to think about this for too long as she puts the folder back in the container (not up her asshole) and looks back towards Louis.

“Let’s get you back to bed for real this time hey?”

“Yeah, let’s.”

~

A quick five minute discussion between the two doctors and Doctor Parker taking over as the designated wheelchair pusher, they make their way back to Louis’ room. As they reach it, both Lottie and Anne are there standing outside, as if ready and raring to go. He assumes they’ve come to say goodbye, as it is likely they’ll have to go home for the night.

Doctor Parker brings them both to a stop as they end up in front of Anne and Lottie, who meet them in the middle so they are all in front of Louis’ door.

“Hey stranger, fancy seeing you here. Sorry that I couldn’t come in after you had spoken to Harry, my boss called and wanted an update on how things were going and wanted an idea of how much time I would need off work. I managed to get a week off, excluding answering any pressing issues that might come up. After that, if need be for a while I can work from the hospital whilst you’re still here and then at yours whilst I look after you after you're discharged. And no, that is not up for discussion, I will be moving in with you for a little bit just whilst you adjust to life again at home. We can sort all the logistics out another time, when you’re not so sleepy.”

Louis hadn’t even begun to consider what life would be like after he is discharged. Thinking about it now, he realises that it depends entirely on when Harry wakes up. If he wakes up. Enough of that, like Lottie said, they can sort out logistics another time. Before he gets too deep in thought, his attention is caught by Anne who steps forward slightly to rest a gentle hand on his shoulder before beginning to speak.

“Hiya love, I spoke to Gemma, she should be here in the next few days, she too just has some loose ends to tie up at work before she can come over here. You don’t need to worry though, she’ll be staying with me for the time being. She can fill you in on the details when she gets here. Gemma’s right, you look like you could do with some sleep.”

Louis isn’t sure who, but one of them opens the door, presumably Anne or Gemma as Doctor Parker stays behind clutching onto the handles of the wheelchair. The four of them file into Louis’ room in quick concession, Lottie and Doctor Cooper the ones to help Louis transfer from the wheelchair to the bed. Tucking him in neatly, Lottie presses a kiss onto Louis’ forehead, then moves out of the way so that Anne can do the same. The two of them then move back slightly, standing side by side by Louis’s bed on the right, Lottie slightly closer to the top end of the bend. Doctor Parker remains in the corner of the room by the door the whole time, having picked up the folder from the end of Louis’ bed. He would ask what she’s writing, but he’s too swept up in the attention that Lottie and Anne are showing him, therefore only really catches a glimpse of what Doctor Parker does.

To everyone’s shock, startling them all due to the serenity in the room up until now, a beeping noise comes from Doctor Parker, which gets louder as she takes a small divide out of her pocket. She proceeds to read whatever is on said device, before putting back where it was, followed by her attention back on Louis as she glances back at him.

“I’m going to have to go now Louis, I’m being paged, but I'll be back first thing with Doctor Cooper like you agreed with her, and hopefully not before then. Please, try and sleep. It may not seem like it, but you will feel better for it in the morning.”

“Yes boss. Thank you.”

“Goodnight Louis.”

Just like that, she rushes out of the room, attention already on whatever it is that calls her. Louis realises that it’s all part of the job, all the toing and froing, rushing between patients. It makes him that little bit more grateful that Doctor Parker, and Doctor Cooper for that matter, both do it with such dexterity and consideration for whom they're dealing with, whilst remaining good judges of character so they’re individual to the patient. Not that Louis has anything to compare this experience to so far, both in the sense he has no clue if other patients under their care feel the same, nor has he ever had to be in hospital for the extended period of time before. Nevertheless, it doesn’t take away from the gratitude Louis feels.

“Hey Lou, unfortunately, I can’t stay with you tonight as I have to pop back home and sort some stuff out, but I should hopefully be able to stay the night after. I’ll have my laptop so we can watch a movie or something. It will be good for you to keep yourself occupied or your mind will wander, I know you after all.”

“Sounds like a plan. Thanks Lots, you’ve been really great so far.”

“I’m off too I’m afraid, I really wish I could stay but I’ve gotta get stuff organised for Gemma and get some stuff packed to bring here. Once she’s here, I’ll be able to spend a bit more time at the hospital. Look after yourself Louis, you heard the doctor, sleep. You’ll be thankful you did in the morning.”

“Thank Anne. Text me when you get home, you too Lots. Piece of mind, just wanna make sure you both get home safe.’

Louis gives them both a delicate smile, them both smart enough to pinpoint the reasoning behind his need for confirmation of their safety. Lottie is the first one who acknowledges this.

“Of course Lou, we totally get why. I’ll message the second I get through the door.”

“So will I.”

“Wait, I just realised, is my phone even okay? Shit, I wouldn’t be surprised if it got completely wrecked in the accident.”

Lottie walks round and stops at the draw on the left side of Louis’ bed, the jug, cup and tissues still there untouched from before. She then bends down and opens the bottom drawer, pulling out a clear plastic zip lock bag which has a bunch of items in it that Louis quickly identifies as his own. She then opens it and takes his phone and charger (lucky he’s become accustomed to always carrying a charger on him), then plugs it in and places it on the desk before putting the bad bag in the drawer and shutting it.

“By some fucking miracle, your stuff was okay and not too badly damaged, they put it in there whilst you were still sleeping. The screen is cracked so you’ll have to get that fixed or I can sort out getting you a new one at some point. It should be enough to call and text for now at least. They mention that it was found in your bag which had your jumper and other soft items in. This meant they acted as some kind of padding and so it wasn’t too badly damaged. The bags also being in the boot of the car meant they didn’t have that much room to toss about in either. All things considered, pretty fucking lucky if you ask me.” 

“Yeah, I guess.”

Looking over at the phone on the desk, he sees the damage Lottie was talking about. He has no idea what to expect when it turns on, whether anyone will have tried calling or messaging. There hasn’t been time to ask Lottie or Anne who else knows about the accident, other than Gemma now of course. He decides for the time being to deal with that accordingly depending on what happens when his phone finally switches on.

He remembers it must have been Harry who put their stuff in the boot, never realising in the moment what effect a spur of the moment decision would make. He keeps this to himself, for now at least, he can mention it another time.

“Need anything else before we go your highness?”

Lottie bows for dramatic purposes.

“I think I’ll manage, but thank you, again.”

“Of course Lou.”

He’s greeted with a final hug and kiss goodbye from both Lottie and Anne, Anne holding onto him a little more tightly than Lottie did. He reckons it’s a motherly instinct, the way Anne treats Louis feels like they have that kind of bond. The two of them wave goodbye, Lottie grabbing her stuff from the chair, this simply consisting of a long, grey cotton cardigan and a small khaki handbag. Anne already has her burnt orange handbag slung across her left shoulder. His eyes follow them closely as he watches them slip out of the door. Once it closes, he hears muffled voices until they too slip away into the distance away from Louis.

For the first time since he woke up, Louis is alone. 

Surprisingly, the first that he does isn’t crying. He turns back to look at the desk and reaches for his phone that he assumes must be on by now. When he picks up his phone and sees his lock screen he feels a pang in his chest, as though there is no air left in him because someone has stolen it. It seems that someone is Harry. Louis just stares at his lockscreen and is met with two happy faces looking back at him. He holds down the screen so the animation comes to life and watches a giddy, lovesick Harry kiss an equally as giddy and lovesick Louis on the cheek. He takes himself back to this moment, the way Harry’s soft, warm lips pressed ever so delicately against his cheek. It feels so real in his mind that he lifts up his left hand to touch his left cheek, as if to feel where the contact of Harry’s lips would linger against his skin. What he would give to go back to that day, when they were young and carefree. When they didn’t have to worry about getting into stupid fucking car accidents and end up in stupid fucking hospital with Harry in a stupid fucking coma whilst Louis can’t do a single fucking thing. This moment is tainted now, he cannot look at it any longer, so he types in his password and unlocks his phone. Thankfully, he doesn’t have another photo of the two of them as his lock screen, but a random wallpaper he liked from the gallery of wallpapers.

Just then, Louis starts to get a bunch of notifications. Most of them are just the usual ones: a bunch of emails, mainly work or spam ones. He gets a couple of social media notifications, mostly just people liking his posts or the occasional notification for someone having tweeted or posted on both Facebook and Instagram. It would be very easy for Louis to just go through these notifications, act as if life was still how it was a mere twenty four hours ago, but he knows this isn’t an option. Choosing against that idea and realising that he has some texts and missed calls. Three missed calls from Zayn, two from Liam, four from Lottie and one from Niall. He has quite the inbox of messages too. Lottie set a picture of the food she ordered, by checking the time it was sent it seems this was around the same time the car accident happened, although there is no way to be certain of such a fact. Zayn sent him a text of a joke that he overheard whilst ordering his morning coffee - Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory. - which gets a little laugh out of him. He considers texting a quirky reply back, but realises that would be a strange thing to do given he’s not sure if Zayn and Liam for that matter both know he’s in hospital. He goes off of the chat and then clicks to see the photo Niall has sent him.

Everything stops for a second and Louis doesn’t even hear himself breathing.

The caption of the message follows as such:

“Look what I just stumbled across!!! Crazy right?!?!? Can’t believe it’s been 4 years since we met Harry today!!! Give him a big fat kiss from me. Luv u both xxx”

Nothing happens for the next few seconds because all Louis can do is stare at the photo in front of him. Niall, Louis and Harry all squeezed in to take a photo on the day they met. He tries everything he can not to take his mind back to that day, but unlike with his lockscreen, he fails miserably and is sucked into remembering everything that happened that day.

_“Niall, you’re saying absolute bullshit right now. You have yet to back up your claim and we’ve been here for about thirty fucking minutes now. Give it a rest yeah, keep the miniscule amount of dignity you have left because you’ll need it so you can lose it the next time we go out to the pub.”_

_“Fuck off Louis, will you just give me a chance, let me find the fucking video so I can show that to you instead?”_

_Louis just scoffs._

_“Fine, if you really must.”_

_Louis and Niall are sitting in a cafe about ten minutes away from their house that they share in central London. It’s not the most spacious house, or the cheapest for that matter, but it does the job. It’s enough whilst the two of them are both trying to save up to move into their own spaces. Like most Saturdays, they find themself sitting in the cafe drinking coffee whilst Niall goes on about some new thing he’s discovered on the internet. He wonders how Niall has the time to find out such things, but to be frank, he’s too afraid to ask what Niall gets up to and how he even finds out about such things. Over the course of their six year friendship, Louis has had to learn there are two things that Niall loves: music and random pieces of information he finds from his deep dives on the internet. He’ll give Niall some credit however, there have been some interesting things he’s found out over his time, as well as many hilarious videos that have become an inside joke between the two. This information will never be passed onto Niall though, it would make his head so big the world wouldn’t be able to handle it if he found out that some of what he finds can be entertaining._

_“Ha, I found an article about the video, see, look. It says that you can play any pop song right now in the charts using only four chords. I would try and prove this to you, but I can’t exactly bring my guitar to a cafe now can I? Don’t wanna embarrass myself. Like you said, gotta keep some of my dignity left. Oh wait, the video is linked at the bottom that’s handy.”_

_Clicking on the video and shuffling his chair around so they’re now sat next to each other as opposed to opposite, the two of them huddle around to watch. To Louis’ surprise, Niall might not actually be completely talking out of his arse for once, as the songs all flow well, played on the same four chords but the strumming pattern adjusted slightly depending on the feel of the song._

_“See, I told you. I’d like my twenty quid now please.”_

_“Twenty quid? What the fuck are you on about I never said anything about a bet, stop pulling stuff out of thin air dickhead. You’ve proved your point, congratulations.”_

_“Awww, is someone upset that they’re wrong?”_

_“Piss off and finish your food, we need to leave soon if we’re gonna be able to get the house sorted before Liam and Zayn come over.”_

_“Fuck, I need to have a shower, I haven’t washed my hair in days.’_

_“So you’re telling me you left the house without showering this morning? No wonder you smell like you poured a can of deodorant on you. Move back, go sit back where you were, across from me, I don’t want you to be too close so that I have to smell your sweat.”_

_“Are you sure? Don’t you love my man smell?”_

_“Niall, don’t even think about hugging me right now because I will kick you in both of your shins and leave without you so you have to limp home.”_

_“Wow, really feeling the love here.”_

_Before he has the chance to say something witty back, a quiet but sort of gravelling voice begins to talk, Niall and Louis immediately turning to face the source of it._

_“Sorry to interrupt, this might seem a bit weird, but I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation before about the music, and well, I was wondering if you would like me to play some songs for you. I happen to have my guitar on me, long story behind that which I won’t bore you with. No pressure to say yes, just thought I would offer is all.”_

_Louis turns back round to see Niall absolutely beaming at the mystery man in front of them, jumping at the chance to answer._

_“Hell yeah, thanks. Are you sure though? There’s a lot of people in here, might get a few stares is all.”_

_“That doesn’t bother me much, I’m used to it really.”_

_“Well then, take it away mystery guitar man.”_

_Louis turns back around to face the man, and as he does he makes eye contact with him. For some reason, Louis’ breath catches in his throat as he stares in this man’s eyes. Louis isn’t blind, this man is clearly gorgeous, but there is something about the way he looks at Louis that interests him. It’s like he’s searching him, trying to figure out what he’s thinking without actually having to ask. This moment is quickly broken as Louis coughs and the mystery man goes to speak again, this time directly towards Louis._

_“Any song requests?”_

_Is Louis dreaming right now? Can someone pinch him? But he can’t stay quiet for too long, he has to say something._

_“No, none that I can think of sorry.”_

_“That’s okay, no problem. Guess I’ll just surprise you then, see if you can guess them as we go.”_

_The next ten minutes consists of the mysterious man who they still don’t know the name of playing random songs, mostly pop ones that everyone would know. Louis manages to identify a few of them: Let Her Go by Passenger, I’m Walking Away by Greg David, Let it be by the Beatles. Niall gets some of the others before him like Papa Don’t Preach by Madonna, 2 Become 1 by Spice Girls and Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars. Overall, Louis is pretty impressed how they flow so well together, considering he sticks to only four chords (Louis watches attentively to make sure he isn’t cheating). He’s also very impressed by this person’s singing voice. It’s soothing but raspy in all the right ways, with him having very good control over how he sings, transitioning well between his chest voice, mix and head voice (Louis has picked up a lot of music terminology from Niall over the years, plus he’s always loved to sing himself and likes to think he can do that quite well). He feels quite a lot lighter after that, and surprisingly a little less stressed, at least that his mind is clearer now._

_“Wow, you’re a really good singer and guitar player, you certainly make me out to be mediocre.”_

_For a moment, Louis had forgotten Niall was there with them._

_“Niall, come one, don’t put yourself down like that. You’re really good at the guitar and singing. You have a real talent, you don’t need to be modest about it or put yourself down to lift someone else up. You can both be good, just in slightly different ways.”_

_“You know what Lou, I think that’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said to me. Come here mate, let me give you a big fat Niall hug.”_

_“Don’t you even fucking think about it, remember what I said before, you can leave here without your shins intact if you really wish.”_

_“Alright, alright, I hear you loud and clear. But thanks Lou, that was proper nice of you.”_

_“Of course mate, I mean it you know.”_

_Louis playfully slaps Niall on the back, letting out a small laugh as he does so. He turns back to pick up his coffee, realising there is still some of it left at the bottom. Taking the final gulp, he places the cup back down and turns to face the mysterious man. Question time he thinks._

_“So, you know a little bit about us, our names for starters, and we know a little bit about you, the fact that you are an exceptionally good musician. Anything else there is to know about you, a name perhaps?”_

_Chucking, the man places his guitar safely back in the case before propping it up against the table, then proceeds to answer Louis’ question._

_“Ah, yes, I do have one of those funnily enough. My name is Harry, Harry Styles in fact, but just Harry is fine.”_

_Niall takes this as his chance to chime in._

_“Harry Styles, sounds like you were born to be a performer with that name. I could see your name on billboards and on posters at a train station. Harry Styles, guitarist and singer, coming to a cafe near you.”_

_“Yeah, I wish. I used to gig in pubs and clubs all over the place, and they paid enough, but I realised I wanted more out of life than that. So I saved up as much as I could and managed to get a session at a recording studio. We’re still in the process of editing and working out what songs are right for me, but hopefully I’ll be able to release and EP soon. It’s actually why I have my guitar with me, I have another meeting this afternoon just to go over some final bits and pieces. It might seem weird, but I like playing my guitar, it makes it feel more personal really. Ended up here because I thought I would make a stop at a local coffee shop just to have the morning to sit down and calm myself a bit.”_

_“Oh wow, that’s amazing. I’m actually a musician myself, kinda similar to you. It’s how me and Lou met actually.”_

_“Really?”_

_Harry takes his eyes off Niall and turns to look at Louis for confirmation, and it’s only then Louis realises he may have zoned out a little staring - no, just looking - at Harry. Snapping himself out of his momentary hypnosis due to Harry’s green eyes (Louis could go into detail about how there a mix of jades and emeralds with fleckles of walnut brown scattered near the centre around his iris - he really needs to get a grip) when he realises he’s stayed silent for a little too long and should probably continue the conversation. He really doesn’t know what’s gotten into him, but there is something about Harry that is so captivating he just can’t bring himself to look away for too long._

_He will most definitely not be saying any of that out loud._

_“Yeah, that’s right. We’ve known each other for six years now which is crazy cos it feels like we’ve known each since we were born but also that we only just met each other yesterday. Either way, the story of us meeting is that I lived in LA for a little while on a gap year and was hoping to start up my career over there. One night, I stumbled into a pub and saw this one over here standing by a mic, the only other things with him was a high wooden stool and a vintage guitar that looked though he had spent all of his savings on. We got chatting after the gig, with me explaining how much I liked his music, Niall telling me his plans for the future, and me telling him mine. We hit it off from there, both staying in LA for a little while longer before we agreed to move back over here so I could go to university and so that Niall could try getting booked into a recording studio, like yourself. After that the rest is history.”_

_“We also live together, and have done for a number of years now. I had a little flat whilst Louis was in his first year at university and then we decided it would be more cost efficient for the two of us to get a place together for his second and third years. Between Louis being able to pick up some casual work here at the cafe in fact and me making money through the music I managed to put out, as well as doing regular gigs, it was enough to keep us afloat and see us through university.”_

_There’s a small silence after that, and Louis can see the shock on Harry’s face at what he's just been offloaded with._

_“Woah, that’s crazy, but amazing. Pretty fucking awesome you’ve stayed friends this long. So what is it that you do now Louis?”_

_Stuttering slightly, Louis fumbles over his words before forming an actual sentence._

_“You- you really wanna know? Haven’t you got that editing session to go to?”_

_“Nope, I really wanna know. My meeting isn’t for at least three hours. I like getting to know new people better. Tell me all there is to know.”_

_“Okay then, sure.”_

A loud “ding” startles Louis out of where he seems to have travelled in his mind, placing him back in the present, in the now. He didn’t even realise how lost in thought, or that he wasn’t actually there, in the memories. Because that’s all they are now really, memories of a better time. There isn’t enough energy left in Louis’ body to contemplate this any further. 

Picking up his phone that he must have dropped onto his lap, he opens to see he has a few messages. He realises the photo wasn’t the last thing that Niall had sent, but a series of texts asking where Louis was and if he was okay cos he hadn’t heard from him a while. It dawns on Louis that he’s going to have to have a lot of difficult conversations now. But his body feels heavy, his mind weighs a ton of bricks, and there is an ache all around his head. It feels as though his head is a watermelon and someone is putting elastic bands over, one by one, adding to the pressure and waiting for it to explode, taking pleasure in it even. Pleasure and enjoyment are definitely things Louis lacks right now. He goes off of the chat and sees two other messages. 

One is from Anne telling Louis she got home safe, but she was also able to speak to Gemma again whilst in the taxi and she’s going to be coming down in two days' time. She also mentions she’ll be able to come back to visit in the morning, and will sort out with Lottie what to do with breakfast as she can imagine the hospital food isn’t all that pleasant and he needs to keep his energy up. The text ends with her wishing Louis “goodnight and sweet dreams. I hope you feel better in the morning xx.” He smiles fondly at this, grateful for how caring she has been through it all.

The other is from Lottie, a few minutes later, presumably the ding that Louis actually heard. She lets Louis know that she’s hoping to get stuff sorted before heading off to bed, and says Anne texts about them popping round with breakfast in the morning. Although, she makes it a point to say they won’t come too early, as they both want Louis to rest for as long as he needs. Her message ends with “don’t get too caught up in worrying about things, try and relax as best you can and sleep. There will be time to sort everything else out, I promise. I love you big bro, sleep well xx.”

Louis can’t bring himself to read any of the other messages, like Lottie said, there will be time for that later. Turning his phone on silent for the night, he places it back on the desk and pulls the cover up so he is nice and snug under them. He moves so that he is lying on his left facing the wall, staring at it for God knows how long. If only he had some paint to watch dry.

Lottie is right, he needs to try and relax, and he found peace in remembering the past, the memories where nothing is damaged or broken and it can’t be altered. So he goes back there, just for the night, just to calm him slightly whilst he attempts to drift off back to sleep.

_“I met Zayn and Liam in my first year at university, Zayn first because we were in the same class, both us doing design and business, and then Liam because they were together, still are in fact. Liam was at our university as well but he was studying architecture with the goal of being an interior designer. We ended up getting very close over those three years, finding there was a lot we both wanted to do, the main thing was setting up our own art and graphic business. So that’s what we did, sort of. It was a bit difficult to begin with because we were a bit tight for cash, having just graduated from university. After taking some time to visit family, we came back here to London and worked on a plan to get enough money to kickstart our business. The easiest thing to do was to set up a website, and start by posting some of the art Zayn had made that he wouldn’t mind selling. We also have a section for commissions, so that people can pay for certain graphics or artworks for personal or professional usage. After a while, people often asked us to design things like business cards or fliers, and we got the occasional request for a specific painting that they wanted. Generally speaking, Zayn is better at the art side of things whilst I’m good at the business side, but we have enough of a balance to make it work. Our plan moving forward is to try and reach out to bigger companies, or even festivals and venue holders, and do some work for them. We’ve hit a few bumps, but nothing we haven’t been able to work through eventually.”_

_“Louis, that’s incredible. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking, all of you actually. I’m twenty four.”_

_“I’m the oldest at twenty six, then it’s Liam whose twenty five, next Niall who is also twenty five. Zayn is the youngest, he’s still twenty four but we ended up in the same year at uni because I took a gap year and he went straight into university after college.”_

_“Right. Wow, I mean, even so, to have your own business so young is mind blowing. I’d love to see some of the stuff you’ve made. I’d also love to hear some of your music Niall, sounds like you’ve been doing pretty well for yourself too.”_

_“Likewise mate. Yeah, I mean I have a few things planned this year that I’m hoping to get out, and at some point I hope to be able to do a little tour. It doesn’t have to be massive to begin with, maybe just a one off concert to begin with and then I can work my way up hopefully. Hey, maybe we could even play something together one day.”_

_Harry and Niall continue talking for a bit longer but Louis becomes distracted as his phone buzzes and he realises its Zayn. Niall is the first one to notice that Louis has checked out of the conversation._

_“You alright Lou? What is it?”_

_“I’m fine, it’s just Zayn checking that we’re still on for lunch, he also offered to order pizza if it’s easier so I said yeah that’s great we’ll be ready for two if that works. Just waiting for his reply back.”_

_Niall reaches into his back pocket and clicks on his phone, staring at it briefly before speaking again._

_“Shit, we’re gonna have to get going Lou, it’s almost twelve and you know how long it takes for me to get sorted.”_

_“Yeah yeah I know. I’m sorry Harry, but we’re gonna have to go, we’ve planned this lunch for a while now and we don’t wanna be late seeing as they are gonna be guests in our house. It'll be really nice getting to know you. You’re more than welcome to come over to ours sometime. First we have to do a background check, just to make sure you’re not a well known serial killer or something.”_

_This gets another laugh out of Harry, as he proceeds to stand up, sling his guitar and bag over himself._

_“And here I was thinking I could get away with it. Seriously though, I would love to do this another time. We can exchange numbers if that works and I can give up guys a heads up when I’m next free.”_

_“Sounds great.”_

_After phone numbers are swapped, rubbish put in the bin and all their stuff with the respective owners, the three of them make it out of the shop._

_“Guys, look at the sun, we should totally take a photo to remember this day. Think about how cool it will be to look back on if we end up friends for years, mmh?”_

_Louis looks directly at the grounds, examining the pavement and all that is on it. He does not look at Harry because he doesn’t wanna feel the disappointment even worse when he says no._

_“Sure, I mean why not.”_

_What the fuck? Does Harry just do the opposite to what everyone expects him to? Louis isn’t given enough time to process this, because without warning, Niall squashes them all in close together, ready to take the selfie._

_“Say cheese.”_

_“Cheeeeese”_

_As Niall takes the photo, Louis realises something. Harry’s hand is on his waist. Louis feels his whole body light up as if it’s a rocket ready for take off. Once Niall finishes, he feels Harry’s hand linger there for a few seconds more before it's gone, and the skin that felt warm a few seconds ago returns to its chilled state. Louis plays it off casually, moving out of the way so they can all turn to face each other._

_After some very awkward goodbyes mainly on Louis’ part he will admit that, although he can’t be blamed for not knowing Harry is a hugger (he will definitely not admit that he enjoyed the hug a considerable amount either), Harry goes off in the opposite direction and Niall and Louis begin the walk home._

_Louis hopes, prays even, that they can walk home without having to talk about Harry. He then remembers it's Niall he’s walking with; there is no chance in hell he is getting out of talking about Harry with him._

_“Harry’s nice.”_

_“He is Niall. Certainly easy to talk to for sure, he definitely knows how to hold a conversation.”_

_“Mmhh, yeah he does.”_

_Louis knows exactly what Niall is fucking up to but he won’t let him win. Louis is a master of deception when he needs to be._

_“Okay Niall, just spit it out, what is it that is etched so deep into your brain that you’re practically gonna burst if you don’t let it out soon?”_

_“Nothing. Just Harry is very nice, pleasant to talk to. Extremely good looking.”_

_“Niall, do you have a little crush on Harry? Want me to set you up on a date?”_

_“Fuck off Louis, I can see you watching him from a mile away. It’s clear that you’re interested in him.”_

_“No I am not. If anything happens between me and Harry, it will be as friends, that’s all. Besides, I don’t even know if he’s single and if he likes men, nor do I plan on asking him that.”_

_The sound of footsteps hitting the pavement at a considerable pace causes both Louis and Niall to look behind them, only to see Harry running towards them._

_“Hi, sorry, I won’t keep you long, I know you’re busy. It’s just I have some spare tickets to an Elton John concert, some of my mates can’t come because they have work stuff, so I was wondering if you would like to come. Both of you that is. It’s not for a while really, about six weeks from now and it’s not too far so we could just meet somewhere in the middle beforehand.”_

_Stunned at what Harry has just said, Louis stands there like a blubber fish. Elton John. Louis has been trying to get tickets for one of his concerts for literal months, and now he’s gonna get to go by chance. Who did he please in his past life and who does he have to thank for Harry Styles?_

_What the fuck is life right now?_

_Just as he goes to speak, Niall manages to get in there first._

_“I’d love to mate, but I’m actually going away for a couple of days around then. Visiting an old friend of mine who I haven’t seen in a while and everything is all organised, all of it booked and paid for. But I’m sure Louis would still like to go, he’s been trying to get them for ages.”_

_That motherfucker. Louis is actually going to kick him in the shins when Harry goes._

_“Really? Well, you should totally come then, it’s a no brainer.”_

_Maybe kicking Niall in the shins won’t quite be enough to convey his anger after all. Even so, Louis really does want to go. Sure, it could be a good chance to get to know Harry. As friends, that's all. Nothing more._

_“I’d love to come, that’s really kind of you Harry. I can pay you back next time we meet.’_

_“No, don’t be silly, they were actually a birthday present so I didn’t pay anything. You’ll be putting them to good use. I’ll text you the details soon just to make sure it fits in with your schedule. You can always text or call me if anything changes.”_

_“Of course, sounds great.”_

_“Alrighty, I’ll let you guys go for real this time. Have a great lunch.”_

_“Thank Harry, have a great rest of the day.”_

_Louis and Niall watch on for a little before turning round to continue walking._

_“Niall Horan, you are a dead man walking, you know that right?”_

_“Louis Tomlinson, I haven’t the slightest clue what you could possibly mean.”_

_Louis looks over at Niall, who stares back at him with a sizable grin, clearly very pleased with himself._

_“This cupid mentality you have isn’t going to work, Niall. I don’t get why you would turn down an Elton John concert just so that me and Harry go alone.”_

_“Louis, I did it because you seem happy around Harry, light even. I watched you for a while in the cafe and I saw how you looked at him. He interests you, whether you’ll admit that to me or keep that to yourself, it’s still the truth. I’m not judging you, I’m just giving you the little nudge you need to get the ball rolling. I want you to be happy, and so you should have a chance to see if you can get that with Harry. Worst thing that will happen is it will all fizzle out and we’ll probably never see the guy again. But you’ll never know if you don’t at least try.”_

_“I hate it when I’m mad at you even though you’re doing a kind thing.”_

_“I know, but that won’t last for long. You’ll thank me later, I’m sure of it. I have a good feeling about this one.”_

_Louis doesn’t say this out loud, he doesn’t dare give Niall the satisfaction, but Louis has a good feeling about Harry too._

_That night, Louis lies in bed, staring at his ceiling, thinking about what the fuck just happened. He drifts off to sleep thinking about the beautiful boy with green eyes, and the way it felt when their skin touched. Sleep finds him pretty easy as_ _incandescent spectrums_ _explode in his brain, with echoes of Harry singing lulling him to sleep._

The memory having reached a stop-gap, Louis chooses to leave it there. It’s enough for one night. He pulls the covers up high enough so he is cocooned, getting as much warmth as he can. It’s not the same as having Harry snuggled close to his chest, but it’ll do. It has to. It is clear that Harry is so ingrained in Louis’ mind that it does not surprise him that thinking of him is the last thing he remembers. 

His eyes begin to flicker shut, his body eventually letting him fall into a complete slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go with the flashbacks! This moment was inspired by an Ed Sheeran video I watched a very long time ago and it just popped into my brain that it could be an interesting way for them to meet. Here’s the link to the video [Ed Sheeran improviseert erop los - RTL LATE NIGHT](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQKZfvet2mc) it's not that long if you would like to watch, you’ll notice all the songs I named are from here specifically (these are also in the playlist for my fic) I also wanted to make it as though the flashbacks stem from Louis reminiscing.
> 
> Fun fact, the reference of Harry’s name being on billboards and train station posters is actually taken from the fact that I saw fine line posters at various train stations a couple months ago now. I’m assuming they were still there so long after the album release due to the pandemic and people not being able to change them but still pretty cool
> 
> More flashback’s to come in Chapter 3, where was it Harry invited Louis to again…?


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise I haven’t mentioned this before but I think it’s kinda obvious in the fact that the present day moments clearly negate the fact we are in a global pandemic. I will say, however, there is never really all that much detail to suggest it’s explicitly in this time period but I wanted to just make that clear regardless. 
> 
> [Please Don't Leave Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0sbkB9ac7yScNr3D9dbVKK?si=Xt6zD6r4QyymbwDQK_lPrQ)  
> [Please Don't Leave Carrd](https://pleasedontleave.carrd.co/)  
> My twitter: [@biggesthomestan](https://twitter.com/biggesthomestan?s=21)
> 
> Happy reading!!

And you can tell everybody

This is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

―

**Your Song, Elton John**

When Louis wakes up the next morning, it’s not to alarms, but to the natural morning light that peaks through the small translucent window to his right. It feels weird as he realises where he is. He knows it’s gonna take a bit of getting used to not waking up at home next to Harry most mornings.

Harry.

Oh god.

Louis isn’t sure whether this feeling of dread when he wakes up is ever going to go away. Not whilst Harry remains on a ventilator and he has to be ready for anything. 

It wasn’t the most pleasant night’s sleep, although the one thing he is grateful for is that he didn’t dream about Harry, despite having spent about an hour thinking about how they first met before drifting off. Dreaming of Harry would have been the only thing that could possibly make Louis feel any worse that he feels right now.

He doesn’t move for what feels like a small eternity, if a thing as such even exists. Whatever it is, it feels like time drags on endlessly. The best way Louis can put it into words is that he’s driving through a tunnel with only the car lights guiding him, but even those are their last legs, and he can’t even see where the tunnel ends because it's so misty and gloomy all around him. The limited light he does have on illuminates the fog that surrounds the car. For a while, he doesn’t even feel like he is moving, just pressing the pedal as hard as he can, willing the car to do something, anything. He realises the irony in using a car in the metaphor, considering how that it was a car that led them to where they are now.

Lying on his right side, all he can do is stare at the wall by the window, this time pretending there is paint he can watch dry. Maybe if he stares hard enough at the wall, he’ll be able to see through it, see something else other than nothingness. This, of course, doesn’t happen.

Sighing, Louis flips and reaches out to grab his phone that lies just where he left it on the table the night prior. 

8:34am. Considering how much of a mess everything is right now, getting that much sleep is certainly a fucking miricale, although he can gurentee that it will probably be the most he gets in a while. Louis has a tendency to neglect to take care of his body when he’s in stressful situations, and that includes how much sleep he gets.

As expected, he has a couple of messages from Lottie and Anne, and even one from Gemma just letting Louis know that she’s packed and ready for her flight early tomorrow, planning on checking in with him as soon as she gets to the hospital. Next, he sees the messages and missed calls from Niall, Liam and Zayn.

Niall

11:21pm 

lou r u okay ??? text me this isn’t like you

11:34pm

3 missed calls from Niall

11:53am

lou i’m getting worried now

12:02am

2 missed calls from Niall

12:04am

hello?!?!?

12:09am

4 missed calls

12:15am

please just let me know you and harry are ok

12:25am

1 missed call

12:27am

I spoke to lots she filled me in on everything ur probably asleep so i’ll call in the morning love you lou you’ll get through this xxxx

Liam

11:38pm

hey lou, niall said you’re not answering, can you call him back please he’s getting worried and so are me and Z

11:59pm

3 missed calls from Liam

12:05am

lou if you’ve just fallen asleep with your phone on silent i’m gonna be very annoyed at you

12:31am

Niall and Lottie filled me and Z in. be round to visit soon as. Harry will be okay, he’s a fighter. You’ll be okay too xx

Zayn

11:45pm

1 missed called from Zayn

12:03am

lou can you text or call me li or niall pls we’re worried about you

12:11am

4 missed calls from Zayn

12:34am

here if you need me, call whenever you can will visit soon text when you wake up if you can x

Fuck.

Louis groans, releasing his phone from his grip and letting it drop aimlessly onto his lap. Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated. His head is still too murky for him to even think about talking to any of the boys, so he just puts his phone back on the table, turns back over and wants everything to stop, just so he can have time to get things clear in his head.

This too doesn’t happen, because in comes Doctor Parker and Doctor Cooper.

“Good morning Louis, how did you sleep?”

Rotating and shuffling up the bed so he is sat upright facing Doctor Parker, Louis huffs as he takes the time to process her question. He contemplates telling her everything, that all he thought about before drifting off were when things were straightforward and there were no life or death situations on his radar. Except Louis doesn’t exactly have the time nor the energy for a deep and meaningful right now, so he just settles on a standard response.

“Fine, I guess. As good as can be expected after having been in a car crash really. Throats a little better, clearly. Still burns a little when I talk, but nothing I can’t push through.”

Louis then turns his attention to Doctor Cooper who stands at the end of the bed whilst Doctor Parker moves to check his monitor, presumably making sure everything is in order.

“Is Harry…”

He trails off here, both due to uncertainty about how he wishes to phrase his question and because he’s worried about what the answer will be to whatever he settles on asking. Is Harry dead? Is Harry alive? Is Harry awake?

“Harry’s pretty much the same as last night, we’ve seen little improvement but the main thing is that he made it through the night. It might not seem like much, but it’s a good thing Louis. We also have the test results back, and unfortunately it seems that we are going to have to wait for Harry’s lung output to improve significantly more before we can consider weaning him off of the ventilator. I know this is frustrating, but we would rather take our time and be absolutely certain instead of rushing into it and heading straight into getting a negative outcome. Don’t be too disheartened by this, for the most part coma patients only remain in comas for a few weeks, and Harry shows no signs as of yet of his body deteriorating rapidly. We’ll update you on any change in Harry that we think is significant, and of course say whether it is a step in the right direction or not.”

“Can I see him?”

Moving over to stand by Doctor Cooper, it is Doctor Parker who takes over answering this question.

“A bit later I’m afraid, I just need to do my morning check up on you to make sure that your stitches from surgery are healing well and that none of the small cuts you have look as though they’re going to get infected. I’ll also need to change your dressings, which I’ll need to do daily, so let me know what time of day works best for you, but it’s important to stick to a routine. You’ll have to have some tests later in the week, just to make sure we didn’t miss anything in surgery and that there are no other problems arising with you. Breakfast is also usually brought round any time from nine to eleven, depending on when our patients wake up.”

“Lottie said that her and Anne are going to come by soon. As for changing my dressing, mornings are fine, around this time. I’ll be awake early.”

“Okay, I’ll just go and get the stuff I need to check and change your dressings and you can give Lottie a call in the meantime to see where her and Anne are. I’ll get it organised so that breakfast is brought round for you after your dressings are changed, they won’t take too long. Sounds good?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“I won’t be long, see you again in a bit.”

With this, Doctor Parker slips out, and Doctor Cooper begins speaking once more.

“I’ll just be going back to check on Harry, so I should hope to see you a little later today all being well with you. Any updates on his condition and you will be notified immediately. I promise.”

“Right okay, thank you.”

Picking up his phone as Doctor Cooper leaves the room, Louis unlocks his phone and goes to call Lottie. He hesitates slightly to prepare himself, collect his thoughts and focus on trying to have a normal (if that's what you would even call it) conversation with Lottie. Once he feels ready to face the music, he finds Lottie’s contact and presses call, with her picking up relatively quickly.

“Hey Lou, how are you feeling this morning? Everything okay with Harry?”

“Harry’s okay, I can fill you in with all the details when you get here. Nothing too bad, would just rather tell you in person. I let Doctor Parker know that you were coming by this morning, so she said to call just to check where you are and what time you’ll be here. They have to sort out my dressings which shouldn’t take too long, Doctor Parker has just gone to get everything ready now. Is Anne with you?”

“Not yet, but I’m in the car now and I’m not too far from her house so it shouldn’t take too long after that. Breakfast I can pick up from a shop near the hospital, I spotted a cafe not too far away from the front when I left last night so I can pick up something to go and eat before I get to the hospital if that’s okay with you?”

“I’m good, Doctor Parker said she’s going to get it organised so that breakfast is brought round every morning after my dressings are changed.”

“Alright, well I’m just pulling in to Anne’s now so I better call her and let her know I’m outside. I’ll text when we get out of the car and into the shop. Love you Lou.”

“Thanks Lots, love you too.”

After hanging up, Louis contemplates just putting his phone away and staring aimlessly into the distance as he waits for Doctor Parker’s return. He knows, however, it would be unfair on his friends to leave them in the dark about his well being. They care after all. He opts on sending two messages, one to Niall and one to Liam, as he knows Liam can just show Zayn whatever he puts. He sends the messages as follows:

To Niall

hi, thanks for checking in. I'll call you before lunch if that's okay, just have to wait a bit to get my dressings changed and then I wanna spend some time with Harry. love you ni, don’t worry about me too much, i’ll be okay. talk soon xx

To Liam

Hi li, and zayn if you don’t mind me texting just one of you, figured you’d show each other anyway. gonna call niall before lunch. don’t stress about coming to visit, i know you’ve got your hands full. we’ll talk soon, promise. love you both xx

It’s not much, but it’s all that Louis can handle right now so it will have to do.

He figures he’ll have a bit of time before Doctor Parker returns, just enough to find another memory that Louis holds onto so dearly, play it out in his mind as if he’s watching the movie of his and Harry’s life (the title of it is in the works).

_ “That was fucking awesome, I still can’t quite believe I was in the same room as Elton John. You also failed to mention how close we would be you cheeky shit.” _

_ Stepping closer to Harry as they walk down the empty midnight street, Louis playfully slaps Harry’s side as he snickers at Louis’ acknowledgement of what the fuck he just experienced. _

_ “Yeah, sorry about that, but it was so worth it for that look on your face when you saw that the stage was mere metres in front of us. It was quite adorable really, you looked like a child on Christmas Eve staying up til midnight waiting to get their Christmas presents.” _

_ Louis definitely doesn’t feel his heart drop to his fucking asshole when Harry says something he did was adorable. Nope, they’re just friends. Just two friends going to a concert, and Louis most definitely does not have a crush on a boy with emerald eyes named Harry Styles (like seriously, of course he has a rockstar name). One thing he is grateful for however, is that they’ve met each other many times between their first meeting in the coffee shop and now. The first was when Harry came round to Louis and Niall’s for lunch a few days later and after a while, Louis found himself warming up a lot to Harry’s company. They share a similar humour, and enjoy a lot of the same things. Harry then offered to cook for them, and even said they should invite Liam and Zayn as well as he was desperate to meet that as both Louis and Niall sang their praises. Before Louis knew it, the following week rolled around and the five of them were all round at Harry’s for the most exquisite dinner Louis had ever had. Seriously, Harry knows how to cook. Liam and Zayn were also not afraid to make it known to Louis how much they like Harry whilst him and Niall were in the kitchen clearing up bonding over the next big thing Niall found on the internet. He’s intelligent enough to know when someone is dropping hints - “yes, I get what you’re saying, you love Harry very much and you think he’s very cool and interesting. I see what you’re doing, don’t think you have me fooled. We’re friends, I’ve only just met the guy. I still don’t even know if he’s attracted to men, and as I told Niall, I will not be asking him a question like that.” - yet Louis will admit that he has noticed a slight spring in his step so to speak when he’s in Harry’s company. The other times consisted of movie nights, bowling and Harry has even joined Niall and Louis on their coffee mornings at the cafe. There was the worry of ‘threes a crowd’ and all, yet it works. The three find enough to talk about that entertains them all, and Louis doesn’t once feel left out, even when he hears Niall and Harry talk about something he wouldn’t have the slightest clue about. This is singlehandley down to the fact that Harry seems to notice instantly whenever Louis has no fucking clue what him and/or Niall are on about, so therefore takes the time to explain it in terms he deems that Louis will understand. _

_ There is the possibility that Niall was right (this information will never be passed onto him) and that spending time alone with Harry might be what he needs to get to know him even further, without the others butting in every five seconds. So, Louis got himself ready, finding his smartest clothes he could that were still casual: black skinny jeans, a soft blue polo shirt, a vintage navy blue and white gingham jacket and a pair of (clean and unscuffed) black lace up trainers. Harry kindly picked Louis up from his house. Louis may have stopped breathing for a split second when he saw Harry dressed head to toe in all black: slim fit jeans, a freshly ironed short sleeved shirt (which he had the audacity to leave the top two buttons undone of), a suede bomber jacket and heeled brogues. Keeping his composure, he quickly sprung into action and asked Harry about his day, getting the conversation flowing as quickly as possible so he would not focus on how good Harry looks. _

_ To be frank, the concert itself was out of this world. Louis had forgotten how much joy he got from seeing live music on such a large scale, and to see one of his favourite artists is definitely something ticked off his bucket list. It was also very entertaining seeing Harry sing at the top of his lungs and dance like no one is watching. Louis has concluded this is one of his favourite things he’s learnt about Harry, how open he is with people and unapologetically himself always. It’s refreshing. _

_ “Well, Harry Styles, jokes on you because Christmas Eve is my birthday.” _

_ “Really? Isn’t it worse cos then you have to wait a whole year until you get your presents?” _

_ “No, I mean not that I’ve known any different, but it was nice because I had a whole year to decide what I wanted and then would have two full days of presents. How about you, when’s your birthday?” _

_ “February first. I think the Elton John tickets are probably the best present I’ve ever gotten, and it was nice to share it with some who likes him as much as I do. I don’t have that with many people I know.” _

_ “I like it too. I think it’s comforting to see someone appreciate the same music as you and connect to it, perhaps for different reasons, but reassuring anyway. Even so, knowing that people can connect to the same song for different reasons is pretty fucking awesome. Music has always been a scapegoat for me really, and it’s good to share it with someone. Sure, I have Niall to talk all things music with, but our tastes in music differ a bit, whereas I feel there’s more of an overlap with us. Maybe that’s just me.” _

_ “No, not just you. I enjoy hearing you talk about things, it’s rather pleasant.” _

_ Yeah, Louis is gonna be honest, there are butterflies doing backflips in his stomach right now. Well shit, he’s well and truly fucked isn’t he? _

_ “Thank you, that’s very kind of you. And I like how you talk about things too. You have a very refreshing outlook on life that makes it very difficult to not enjoy your company.” _

_ “Is that so? Huh.” _

_ ~ _

_ Walking in silence till they reach Harry’s car that he parked just a couple roads away from the concert, somehow, he’s unsure if it’s his doing or Harry’s or both of theirs, the distance between the two of them begins to close, until Louis can feel Harry’s arm brushing ever so gently against his. For a while, Louis wants nothing more than to reach out and grab Louis’ hand, interlocking their hands. He doesn’t do this, he’s still trying to be clear about how he feels about Harry and he has no idea if Harry even feels remotely the same as him. No, he doesn’t wanna push the boundaries.  _

_ Just before they get to the car, Harry stops and moves in front of Louis, leaning back against the car door. _

_ “Can I ask you something? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I completely respect that some things are to be kept personal. Curious is all.” _

_ Okay, what the fuck is that meant to mean? Oh God, is Harry gonna ask him if he’s gay? Louis has no fucking clue why this is the first thing he jumps to, but Louis’ brain is like that: random at the best of times. Not that Louis’ ashamed, far from it, it’s just he didn’t expect to be having this conversation today at least, and that Harry might be so blunt about it. Either way, if that’s what Harry wants to ask, then Louis shall answer honestly and truthfully. So far, there’s nothing about Harry that screams that he’s homophobic, which is a good thing at least. Fuck it, face the music Louis. _

_ “Yeah sure.” _

_ “What’s your favourite song by Elton? I never got the chance to ask when we were actually in there, and I wanted to ask you at some point today.” _

_ Oh. Harry wants to know what his favourite Elton John song is. Wow. This is… new? He’s not sure if anyone has asked him that before. Who would have thought that someone asking such a simple question could cause such a heartwarming reaction. _

_ “Oh, that’s what you were gonna ask. Ummm, let me think. I mean it’s really difficult because they’re all great for different reasons. If I had to pick one I think it would be Your Song. I think the lyrics of it are really touching and the idea of someone meaning so much to you that you dedicate a song to them is rather special really. How about you?’ _

_ There’s an awkward silence as Harry just looks at Louis, really looks at him, as if he’s searching deep into Louis’ mind. It is certainly not helping the butterflies. Then a sweet smile paints its way across Harry’s face. Louis notices he has a dimple on the right side of his face and it might just be one of the most beautiful things he has ever seen. There isn’t enough time for Louis to admire it however, as Harry takes it upon himself to finally break the silence. _

_ “That’s my favourite song too.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Because, like you, I think it’s a rather beautiful thing to love someone so much that you would write a song for them that only belongs to them and no one can ever take that away from them.” _

_ ~ _

Doctor Parker is very quick at her job, adequately cleans and changes Louis’ dressing, doing a check of how Louis’ body is recovering. Thankfully, it doesn’t take too long, as Louis is eager to see Harry. She lets him know she can get a nurse to bring a wheelchair for him to use to get to Harry’s room. He learns that he might not need it for the entire time he’s in hospital, as they can work on building up Louis’ strength, then moving on to taking short walks around the hospital floor. 

Lottie and Anne arrive not that much later, so Louis doesn’t have all that much time to himself alone. This could be considered a good thing, as think about the times he most enjoyed with Harry have their positives and their negatives. The positives being that he is lucky enough to have these memories and remember them so clearly; his mind has recorded them so well, down to every detail he noticed and every feeling he ever felt. The negatives being that with everything so fresh and raw, still not completely settled in his mind, it makes his heart yearn for Harry even more, wanting so desperately to just be able to spend time with him like he did before. Lottie and Anne being there helps Lottie remove himself from inside his head momentarily and ground himself more, bringing him back to the present day. They stay in Louis’ room for an hour or so, eating breakfast and making small talk whilst doing so. He informs them that he messaged Niall and Liam, and lets them know he plans to talk to Niall after his visit to see Harry. Updates on Harry’s condition are also given to both of them, just as he told Lottie he would over the phone, although he’s certain Anne at least will be told this by Doctor Cooper at some point anyway. There’s a massive elephant in the room the entire time as Lottie and Anne skirt around mentioning Harry as much as they can. It seems they do this as they don’t wanna upset Louis, but this upsets him, because he doesn’t wanna pretend Harry doesn’t exist just cos he’s in a coma. It feels wrong. This is pushed to the back of Louis’ mind, and he just hopes that if he shows himself to be okay with talking about Harry that they’ll get the idea and talk about him too.

Time seems to be passing relatively quickly. Louis calls for the nurse after finishing breakfast, who drops off the wheelchair as Anne agrees to push Louis to Harry’s room. Lottie lets Louis know she has to take a call for work and she might be a while, but Anne steps in right away and says it's okay with her if she and Louis both sit with Harry for a while. After the three of them agree unanimously on the plan, Lottie slips out leaving Anne and Louis alone again.

“You okay?”

Louis looks up and meets Anne’s eye line. He sees the bags under her eyes and can only assume she didn’t get much sleep last night. He doesn’t blame her, he can only begin to imagine how worried sick she must be there lying in bed. She already has enough on her plate and he can’t afford to add anything more to that right now. It isn’t Anne’s job to worry about Louis, her focus has to be on Harry. So he chooses this time to fake it, something he might be able to master the act of so much so that no one even questions how he is.

“Tired, but alright. Eager to see Harry really. Not used to being without him for so long.”

Anne gets up from the extra that was brought in for her that sits in the corner of the room and moves to sit in the chair by Louis’ bed where Lottie was previously sat. grabbing his hand, she interweaves it with her own, rubbing it gently as if to warm it up. He notices her hands are considerably warmer than his so can only assume the coldness came as a shock to her, sending her into mother mode. Once she seems satisfied, she lets their hands fall to rest against the edge of the bed, before beginning to speak.

“You can talk to me Louis. I care about you, as you're my own.”

“I know, I do really just wanna see Harry though. I promise we’ll talk later, properly. I just wanna spend as much time with him as I can.”

Lifting her hand, Anne reaches and gingerly strokes Louis hair as he leans back slightly against the bed. He’s so grateful that Anne cares so much, and he wishes he could give her more, but he can't. Not right now.

“I’m holding you to that you know. You have so many people who care about you Louis, it’s important that you don’t bottle things up. I know Lottie has already told all of this to you, but I want you to hear it from me too..”

“I will talk. I just need some time first. Processing time.”

“Okay sweetheart, let’s go see Harry shall we.”

~

Louis gets to spend just under two hours with Harry and Anne. They make small talk, but Louis can feel that Anne has some kind of barrier up, still not wanting to delve too deep into the past. She tries to push the conversation onto updating Harry on what’s going on, as if she’s catching up with a friend. He understands why she is doing this, that’s not what he has the problem with. It’s the fact that the past seems to have become this thing that just cannot be explored as all, but it’s not like that for Louis at all. If he didn’t have all these memories that he has been lucky enough to create with Harry and if he didn’t remember them so vividly, inscribed into every last corner of his brain, then what would he have? He has to hold onto them, remember them so clearly no matter how excruciating it can be at times when he realises he is no longer in those fragments of euphoria. He clings onto this because he knows that if Harry doesn’t wake up then he is the only one left to keep those memories alive.

When Anne leaves for about fifteen minutes, to pop to the toilet and have a quick chat with Gemma, Louis takes this as his moment to travel back in time once more. He finds the earlier memory, pinpoints where it got to, and picks up where he left off (or thereabouts).

_ The car journey home is surprisingly peaceful. Harry puts on a playlist that has some of his favourite songs and the two of them sing along to the ones they both know. The ones Louis doesn’t know, he stays silent for and just watches as Harry sings along. He finds it incredibly relaxing hearing Harry sing, and it’s seeing how his face lights up when a song comes on that he really likes makes Louis beam. However, it isn’t long before Harry calls him out having noticed he’s got an admirer within Louis. _

_ “What are you looking at?” _

_ “Just you. I really like hearing you sing. You’re very good. Exceptional even.” _

_ “You’re just being polite.” _

_ Pulling his eyes away from Harry and facing forward instead, Louis feels a tug at his heart strings. Harry really doesn’t understand how amazing he is. He doesn’t understand that his voice sounds like the soundtrack to what the moon would dance to with dying stars. He doesn’t understand that Louis feels he is floating on a bed of clouds surrounded by rainbows and he can hear the faint sounds of raindrops beginning to fall. He doesn’t understand how that when he sings it feels like the world comes to a halt and that his voice is the only sound that has ever existed.  _

_ “Don’t do that. Don’t dismiss a compliment. I’m not being polite, I’m being honest.” _

_ “Okay then, thank you Louis, I appreciate it. Really, I do.” _

_ “I mean it Harry. Listening to you sing, it makes me feel lighter. It makes me feel I’m being engulfed in a warm hug. It makes me feel like the world has come to a halt and your voice is the only sound that has ever existed.” _

_ Fuck. okay, Louis didn’t expect that he was gonna be that honest with Harry. It feels good though. Because he wants Harry to know how he makes him feel. Whether Harry feels the same is irrelevant, he can live with Harry not liking him in the way that he likes Harry. But what he can’t live with is Harry not realising how gifted he is. So Louis will make damn well sure that he is the one to tell him _

_ When Harry says nothing back, Louis feels he’s fucked up by being a little too honest too fast. _

_ “I’m sorry Harry, I didn’t-” _

_ “Louis, stop. I didn’t respond, not cos what you said was too much. Quite the opposite. I didn’t respond because I was in awe. No one has ever said anything that kind to me before. I wanted to take the time to saviour it, cherish it, remember this moment here with you.” _

_ “Oh. Okay, sure.” _

_ Just then, Louis is struck with an idea. _

_ “Do you mind if I put a song on? I have a feeling it will be in this playlist.” _

_ “Of course, go ahead.” _

_ After Harry unlocks his phone as they come to a stop at some traffic lights, Louis scrolls through the playlist in search of the song. Bingo. Pressing play, he places the phone down in the compartment between him and Harry, then turns to examine Harry as he realises what's playing. _

_ “Your Song? But we just heard this live?” _

_ In slight embarrassment, Louis feels he cannot hold Harry’s eye line any longer, and finds himself watching his hands pick at each other whilst resting on his lap as he continues to talk. _

_ “I know. I wanted to play it because I want you to sing it with me. Just me, you and good old Elton being our backing vocals.” _

_ “Louis, look at me.” _

_ Turning to face Harry, he’s met with glowing eyes and a smile wider than ever before. Louis feels as though Harry’s eyes are like two mini constellations that light up the dark midnight sky in his dreams. God, he could get lost in the greens of Harry’s eyes.  _

_ “Thank you.” _

_ The words are so softly spoken that Louis barely hears them, but he does, and it’s enough. It’s more than enough, because it comes from Harry. _

_ He fights the urge to stay enchanted by Harry’s eyes, and focuses on getting the lyrics right. He is not about to embarrass himself. _

_ For the next four minutes and five seconds, Louis thinks of nothing outside of this moment. He wants to remember this day for the rest of his life, store it away somewhere deep in his brain for safe keeping, to which he and Harry only have the key for because it’s something for them and only them. He listens as his and Harry’s voices blend together, drowning Elton’s out. They sound like the day meets the night to create a beautiful sunset of oranges and purples and pinks and Louis cannot help but watch Harry as he sings. God, he’s so fucking beautiful. He sees Harry in the centre of the painting they are creating with their voices that gel so well together. He sees Harry as art that deserves to be hung up in every gallery in the world. He sees Harry sitting there, occasionally glancing at Louis, giggling as their eyes meet. They sit there for what feels like a lifetime singing their favourite Elton John song, and it feels like everything is slowly falling into place. _

_ He feels his heart expanding and dividing, separating into small puzzle pieces. _

_ It’s in this moment right here that Louis gives Harry the first puzzle piece of his heart. _

_ ~ _

_ After the song comes to an end, the reminder of the car journey is in complete silence. It isn’t long until Harry pulls up by Louis’ house, stopping the car as the two of them sit there, both unsure what to say. _

_ “Louis, what did you think I was going to ask you before?” _

_ “What?” _

_ “After I asked you what your favourite song was, you said ‘oh, that’s what you were gonna ask.’ what did you think I was going to ask.” _

_ Shit. Fucking shit. _

_ Now, Louis could very easily lie, play it off as just a misunderstanding and that he thought he was going to ask him something else. But as he turns to face Harry, their eyes meeting and holding eye contact, Louis is even more certain that Harry would see straight through anything that wasn’t the truth. So Louis tells him the truth. _

_ “I thought you were gonna ask me if I’m gay. Which I am. I’m not ashamed of that or anything, at all. It’s not something I ever hide and had you asked I would have said yes. It was the way you worded it, saying it was something ‘personal.’ So now you know I guess, in case you were curious about that too.” _

_ “Oh.” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “So am I.’ _

_ “What?” _

_ “Gay. I’m gay too. And not ashamed either. I’ve had to learn to stay true to myself in my line of work, and I don’t want to live a life in denial. I don’t want to ever be anyone other than myself.” _

_ Louis doesn’t know what to say. There wasn’t any plan past this. Does he just get out and leave and pretend this never happened? What the fuck. _

_ Fuck it. Louis has risked a lot tonight, so he’s just gonna go with it. _

_ “I admire that about you Harry. I admire the way you are unapologetically yourself always. It’s a very commendable quality to have, rare too.” _

_ “You always manage to say the right things.” _

_ “I try.” _

_ “I think it’s more than Louis. I think you just have a way with words that makes me feel reassured all the time, like I know you listen and actually hear what I’m saying. You pay attention, which is something not a lot of people can do without selfish intent. So far, you’ve shown me that you’re the furthest thing there is from being selfish. So, Louis, I guess I admire you too.” _

_ Pulling his phone out his pocket, he glances at the notifications and sees a few from Niall asking about how it went, and one from Zayn also asking if he had fun (with a winky face). He smiles to himself whilst simultaneously rolling his eyes, only to be met with confusion having settled on Harry’s face as he catches his eye. _

_ “Just the boys asking how the concert was, I’ll text them about it later. I should probably get going though unfortunately, I have some work I need to get done tomorrow so I don’t wanna end up as a zombie anytime before then.” _

_ “Would you like me to walk you to your door?” _

_ “Okay.” _

~

The journey back from Harry’s room to Louis’ finds itself with an obtuse silence hanging over it. Louis feels he’s in a weird daze still, battling with thoughts about times with Harry whilst also trying to stay grounded in the present. He knows this is dangerous, and getting trapped inside of his own mind is certainly not a good idea, far from it. But he can’t help himself when he thinks about Harry and him together and happy and all he wants to do is scream. But what good would that fucking do. So he stays silent for as long as he can, willing that he will be alone in his room once more so he can have some time before he talks to Niall. 

There’s a heavy weight that holds down his chest though as he considers how Anne is coping with it all. He wants so badly to be able to be strong, put on a brave face and encourage her that Harry will be fine. Maybe if he says it enough times to her and everyone else it will feel like he is telling the truth and not just a lie he feeds himself to hold onto some hope. He entertains this thought for a few seconds more, before pushing it to the back of his mind where everything else seems to lie as the front of his mind is reserved for Harry entirely. He wishes he could spend every waking moment in Harry’s room, but he knows that’s not possible while his body is still healing. This doesn’t stop him from longing for it though, longing for Harry’s touch, longing to be intimate with him again, even if it’s just one for time. At least then he could bottle it in a new light knowing he might never get to experience it again. This was never something that had occurred to Louis before. Then again, there’s that phrase that goes expect the unexpected, perhaps Louis needs that at the forefront of his mind instead.

It isn’t long before they make it back to Louis’ room, the deafening silence between him and Anne still very apparent that it feels at this point both of them have just chosen to accept it for what it is. If only that attitude could be carried across into his feelings about what is happening with Harry. If only.

Once in his room, Anne assists Louis in getting him into bed, although Louis already feels his body getting slightly stronger and so each transfer in and out of bed feels just that little bit easier. At least that's something positive to happen. Louis predicts that Anne will just say her goodbyes, perhaps going back to see Harry for a bit longer before popping out to get some lunch, chat with Gemma as he vaguely remembers her saying before. But, of course, like mother, like son, Anne too has a habit of going against what Louis assumes.

“You sure you’re okay love? Don’t mean to be blunt but you see a bit out of it. You have since this morning if I’m being honest. I don’t mean to push, I hear you when you say you need time, but I just wanted to ask to be sure.”

“Yeah, I’m hanging in there I guess. I’m not sure really, I just noticed how you diverted the conversation quickly away from Harry every time his name was brought up. It’s silly really when you think about it.”

“Louis, it’s not silly, your feelings are completely valid. I only did that because I thought you might not be ready to talk about him properly yet, seeing how things are. I find it hard myself if I’m honest, I’m still coming to terms with everything that has happened. It will get better in time though.”

“I just don’t wanna pretend like he’s not here. Like I know he can’t talk to us like normal, but he’s still there. He’s still alive. I just need to hold onto the memories and talk about him because it helps me.”

“I understand, honey. It just might take me a little while longer to get used to the idea that’s all. We’ll take it slow, one day at a time. Agree?”

“Agree.”

~

Anne leaves shortly after their pep talk as Gemma texts saying she needs her mum’s help with something. She says her quick goodbyes to Louis, letting him know she’ll return later after lunch as long as everything goes well with Gemma. He gets a text from Lottie letting him know she had to duck home to sort a small emergency out for work, and apologises she didn’t let him know sooner. 2:00pm is when she says she’ll try and be back for, apologising once again to which Louis shoots back a quick text saying that it's totally fine, saying she can bring him a chocolate bar as a sorry. Once everything is dealt with, he checks the time to see it’s only 12:36pm. Sighing, he drops his phone beside him on his bed and just turns on his side to stare at the lovely white wall again (they’re certainly gonna be best friends by the time Louis gets out of here). He wants more than anything to drift off to sleep for a quick nap going back to his time with Harry. But Louis knows he can’t keep delaying calling Niall. The only worry Louis has is how Niall will act. He hates it when people tiptoe around him and treat him like a little kid. He’s already beginning to feel it with Anne and Lottie, more so Lottie. He doesn’t want to be seen as a china doll on the verge of breaking the whole time. It’s just been a lot, and if feels like this is most definitely only the beginning of a long road ahead. 

He isn’t given much choice anyway, as he sees Niall’s name flash onto the screen. With some reluctance still remaining within him, he answers.

“Hello?”

“Hey Louis, how are you?”

“Bit tired, although I slept kind of well all things considered.”

“How’s Harry.”

“The same more or less. Little changes really, but the main thing is we’re gonna have to wait a bit for him to get better before they can try weaning him off the ventilator. Could be a while, so we’ll have to see.”

“I have every faith in Harry to make it through this.”

They chat for a little while longer, this includes Niall updating him on what’s been happening with him and his career. It’s nice hearing things go well for someone else, although there is the thought at the back of Louis’ mind that someday he might become jealous that they get to live life as normal whilst his has been flipped upside down. He does his best to keep it at bay, repress it as much as possible, hoping he can do it enough so that he forgets he even thought such a thing. He draws himself back into the conversation with Niall. He knows he needs time in reality as well as time in the past in order to cope. He’s just glad that Niall, whilst being considerate and not overstepping, hasn’t tried changing the subject everytime Harry is brought up. 

There’s a brief moment where he recalls the memory he was thinking of earlier, and realises something about that night that feels fitting to slip into conversation now. so he does just that.

“Niall.”

“Yeah mate.”

“You know the night me and Harry went to see the Elton John concert.”

“Yeah, course. I practically had to push you to go on a date with him.”

“Mmmh, we’ll agree to disagree on whether or not it was a date. Besides the point. What I was gonna say is that I may have told you a little white lie that night.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

_ Louis’ heart is out of his chest by the time he gets to his front door. Once there, he stops, turning around to lean against it just as Harry did against the car before. Harry comes to a halt also, standing about two feet away from him. _

_ Louis is the one to break the silence this time round. _

_ “Well, this is me then. Thank you again Harry, for letting me come with you today. It was really kind of you. I would still like to pay you back for the tickets, they certainly aren’t cheap. Believe me, I’ve done the research.” _

_ “No, please, there’s no need. As I've said before, you’ve put them to good use. I’m glad you agreed to come, even though we barely knew each other when I asked.” _

_ “I have another confession to make. I say another, i guess that depends on whether me coming out to you counts as a confession or not. Nevertheless, I do have something more to say. Niall may have told you a bit of a white lie before.” _

_ “What do you mean.” _

_ “He wasn’t going away with friends, in fact he wasn’t busy at all. He’s inside right now, probably watching a movie or asleep.” _

_ “Why did he lie then?” _

_ Okay. Shit. Louis’ going for it. Fuck. He’s praying with everything he has that he doesn’t ruin this night with Harry by saying all this. But he might just burst if he holds it in any longer. _

_ “Because he wanted us to have a chance to get to know each other. Alone.” _

_ “Oh. Like a date?” _

_ “Kind of? I dunno maybe not a date explicitly, but just the two of us alone so no one was there to butt in.” _

_ Harry takes a few steps closer. Confusion finds its way upon Louis’ face. Is Harry supposed to be mad that he lied? _

_ “And what about you?” _

_ “Me?” _

_ “Did you want to spend time with me? Alone?” _

_ Louis is pretty sure that his arsecheeks are clenched so tightly together so that he doesn’t shit his fucking pants right now. Louis can definitely hear his heartbeat running a hundred metre sprint right now. Is he even breathing right now? He would check but he’s worried that if he so much as moves he’s gonna actually pass out and fall right on top on Harry sending both to the fucking floor in a matter of seconds. Yeah, safe to say that every single part of Louis is screaming at him right now and everything could go to shit after what comes next but there is just something inside of Louis that just says fuck it. _

_ “Yeah. I do. I like you Harry. I feel comfortable around you. Safe. When I’m with you, it feels like nothing else matters and all I want to do is focus on the time I have to spend with you. And it’s crazy and weird and so overwhelming because I don’t feel this way about people this fast. That doesn’t matter to me though, because being with you makes it worth it. So yeah, I was uncertain at first what it would be like if it was just me and you alone, but these past few weeks, spending time with you has just made me realise even more that I enjoy your company.” _

_ Louis reckons if Harry doesn’t say anything in the next five seconds he will be passing out or dying of embarrassment. Talking another step closer to Louis, so there is but a few inches between the two of them, Harry’s hands make their way to rest on Louis’ waist. They’re gentle and secure and Louis feels like no harm will come to him as long as Harry is by his side. His heartbeat gets considerably faster upon initial contact, he feels it so much so he can hear it in his ears. _

_ Lucky for Louis, Harry does speak. _

_ “Can I kiss you Louis Tomlinson?” _

_ Holy fucking shit. Louis cannot see anything else but Harry stood in front of him, watching, waiting intently for his answer. He finds all the air he possibly can and moves so the few inches become but one, their faces close enough to be within reach of the others. He can feel Harry’s slightly laboured breath brush gently against his face. Everything about the way Harry is with Louis seems so delicate yet purposeful, intent of treating Louis with the utmost respect and care. Louis cannot quite fucking believe what is happening right now, but nothing else matters but this. _

_ Nothing else matters but Harry. _

_ Fuck. Here goes nothing. _

_ “Yes, Harry Styles, I would like you to kiss me.” _

_ And so he does.  _

_ Boom! Fireworks are going off in Louis’ heart. Harry’s lips are warm and his mouth tastes sweet. He savours this taste, stores it in the back of his mind so that whenever he thinks of this moment he remembers what Harry tasted like when they first kissed, because he never wants to forget. Harry’s tongue finds Louis’ and they quickly find a rhythm that sends shivers down Louis’ spine. It’s slow but done with intent and passion, at least on Louis’ part, and he feels Harry reciprocates this. Louis’ right hand finds its way to Harry’s face, resting carefully against his cheek, over the top of the dimple that he has already built an emotional attachment to. Harry’s hand slowly trails up Louis' back, the skin on skin contact making him moan slightly as what feels like electricity runs through his body whenever he and Harry touch. Louis never wants it to end. He finds with each second that passes he wants this moment to be infinite, wants to slow it down even more so it happens for longer. He can hear the low moans and heavy breathing coming from them both, giggling against Harry’s lips who matches this. Louis wants to saviour this sound, capture it and record it in his mind so he can play it back later when he’s alone think of Harry and only Harry as he drifts off to sleep. Reveling for a few seconds in the fact that he is the cause of such an endearing sound from Harry, he takes Harry by surprise, feeling him gasp as their tongues find each other once more. _

_ Harry is kissing Louis and Louis is kissing him back. And it feels like he’s tasting heaven. _

_ Harry has acquired puzzle piece number two already. And Louis doesn’t fucking care because he is so captivated by Harry, who is still kissing him.  _

_ It feels new and exciting but it also feels like home. Somewhere Louis always wants to return to. _

_ Much to Louis’ dismay, it doesn’t last forever, and it isn’t long before the two draw apart, returning back to a state of shyness. _

_ “Well, that was, quite something.” _

_ Louis chuckles at this. Something isn’t quite the word he would use but it will do for now. He’ll get the chance to explain to Harry what kissing him feels like one day. _

_ “Yes, you could say that. Certainly something indeed.” _

_ Silence fills the void between the two, either unsure what to say next. Louis doesn’t want the night to end, but he knows that all good things do eventually. _

_ “Well, I better get going. Gotta get to sleep soon. Text me when you get home yeah. Just wanna know you’re safe.” _

_ “Of course. Goodnight Louis Tomlinson.” _

_ An incandescent smile spreads across Harry’s face before he turns around and makes his way back towards his car. _

_ But Louis wants more. _

_ “Harry, wait, you forgot something.” _

_ Running after him just as Harry reaches the car door, he turns around so he is face to face with Louis. _

_ “What?” _

_ Louis leans in and kisses Harry intently and fervidly, biting down slightly on Harry’s lower lip before detaching their mouth although keeping their faces but an inch like they were before. He then whispers circumspectly against Harry’s lips. _

_ “Goodnight Harry Styles. Sleep well.” _

_ Turning round leaving Harry stunned, he skips to his door, swiftly opening it and walking through, watching Harry touch his lips where Louis’ kiss must still linger as he shuts it. _

_ In true Niall fashion, Louis barely gets a minute alone, because Niall immediately comes running out of the living room and almost collides straight into Louis. Panting and gripping Louis’ arms as firm as he possibly can, Niall manages to regulate his breathing enough to speak. _

_ “What happened? You have to tell me everything. I wanna know it all, even the gorey details. Actually, maybe not, some things are better left unsaid between friends. So go on, what are you waiting for? _

_ “Calm the fuck down Niall, I have literally just stepped through the door. I’m still in my bloody coat.” _

_ “That doesn’t matter, I wanna know all about your time. Was it good? Did you have fun?” _

_ “Yes Niall, I had a great time. The concert was amazing, we were really fucking close which was just out of this world. Honestly, definitely a once in a lifetime experience.” _

_ “And Harry?” _

_ “Harry was Harry. He was lovely.” _

_ He can’t help but grin like a lovesick teenager as he says Harry’s name. _

_ “Did he kiss you? Did you kiss him?” _

_ Louis inhales sharply, contemplating telling Niall what just happened. Something in his brain tells him that he should keep this for himself. His and Harry’s little secret. Plus he would never hear the end of it from Niall if he found out that him and Harry kissed after Niall practically forced, well one might say tricked even, Louis into going to the concert alone. _

_ “No, we didn’t. Just hugged. Doesn’t mean it was any less wonderful. I got to see one of my favourite artists with Harry, that’s not exactly something either of us will be forgetting any time soon. It was certainly something.” _

_ Certainly something indeed. _

_ ~ _

_ After about thirty more minutes of Niall asking Louis every question that ever exists, he finally manages to beg Niall to let him go to bed and promises he’ll give him a full run down in the morning if he has time. Niall tells him he’s gonna hold him to this, before giving him a peck on the cheek and wishing him goodnight, gallivanting off upstairs to go to bed. Louis follows not long after, heading to the bathroom to sort himself out before bed. Once finished, still like a little kid on a sugar rush, he makes his way to his room. By this point nearly all of the energy he had left has been completely sucked out of him, and just about finds it in himself to get his clothes off and slips into an old band tee for bed. _

_ Louis doesn’t have to wait long before a text pings on his phone. He picks it up from where he dropped it on his bed whilst getting changed and reads who its from. _

_ Harry _

_ Just got home. Had a wonderful time, hope we can do it again sometime soon. I’m thinking Fleetwood Mac next, how does that sound? Sweet dreams Louis Tomlinson xx _

_ God does Louis feel so giddy. The text along gives him a small burst of energy, enough for him to text a short reply. _

_ Fleetwood Mac, excellent choice. You have exquisite taste my dear. Sweet dreams Harry Styles xx _

_ Placing his phone on his bedside table, he snuggles up in his duvet, giggling into the covers and he traces his lips, the ones Harry kissed less than an hour ago. Louis feels the whole thing could have easily been a dream, a figment of his imagination. But it wasn’t it, it was real. _

_ Louis eyelids begin to get heavier, drooping before his eyes are completely shut. His thoughts entirely are a plethora about Harry, and the sweet taste of his mouth. _

“We kissed. Just before I came inside the house, I told him you were still home and about your little plan. Then I may have admitted that I liked him and so he asked to kiss me. I let him and it was wonderful. Just after he said goodnight I ran after him and kissed him again and whispered goodnight before running inside the house only to be bombarded by your million and one questions.”

At first there is no response and Louis thinks he’s fucked it up by letting this out even after he said he would keep in secret. Although this doesn’t last long, as Niall breaks the silence with a small laugh before beginning to talk again.

“Louis, it’s okay, I knew all about it. I saw you guys outside. I wasn’t perving, I promise, I just saw someone outside the house and I wanted to check to see it wasn’t some random person. When you didn’t tell me, I just figured you wanted to keep it to yourself a while. I’m not hurt, honest. As I can recall from that day, I did say some things are better left unsaid between friends. You’re not obliged to tell me every last intimate detail about your life with Harry. Really Lou, I’m not mad. It was a special moment for you, I can understand that you may have wanted it to be your little secret or something like that.”

A sigh of relief releases itself from Louis, thank fuck for that.

“Thanks for understanding. You always do. I’m very lucky to have you as a friend, you know that right? I know I don’t say it much because I guess our friendship has never been like that, it's always been an unspoken thing we’re aware of. But, fuck, Niall I don’t know where I would be right now if I didn’t have you. I’m not quite sure what aligned for us to meet that day, but whoever is responsible for the chance encounter between us too, I have a lot of thanks to give to them. Love you mate.”

“I love you too you big sap. Us meeting that day helped me just as much as you, believe me. I better let you go now, I’m sure that Lottie will be back soon with lunch. I’ll be round to visit as soon as I can, just gotta talk it through with my manager to see if we can shift things around and also organise it with Liam and Zayn cos I know they’re eager to see you too. Don’t wanna overwhelm you too much, we can talk about all this another time. Take care Lou, look after yourself.”

“Thank Ni, speak to you soon.”

~

Louis scrolls aimlessly through his phone, looking back at photos he took from the day of the Elton John concert. He finds a selfie that he managed to get with Harry, and then another photo of Harry himself standing in front of the venue. He zooms in on Harry, whose smile is so bright that Louis can’t help but match it. The photos find themselves in an album Louis made of concert photos, as after that night going to concerts became Louis and Harry’s thing. There were some occasions where some others tagged along, this including Liam, Zayn and Niall, as well as one of Harry’s friends he had met through the industry called Ed (Niall almost shat his pants when he realised that it was the same person that was in the video he had shown Louis the day they had met Harry. He did not shut up about it for at least a month, and would always find a way to slip it into any conversation he possibly could). 

He wants more than anything to feel as though all the pain and the anger he feels about what’s happened to Harry will heal in time, so much so that when looking at photos like these he will feel nothing but happiness about the memories they got to make. 

He’s just not there yet. His brain won’t let him.

Just then a knock on the door takes Louis out of the daze he fell into staring at the photos.

“Come in.”

Opening the door and entering with a blue and white checkered rucksack slung over her shoulder and, in walks Lottie and the same nurse who dropped off breakfast this morning. The outfit Lottie is wearing is slightly more casual this time, from which he can see it consists of a tight fitted grey turtleneck, a thin black cardigan that stops at her mid thighs and grey cuffed ankle length. It’s completed with some black and white lace up vans and a black and white checked belted wrap coat. Placing her rucksack and coat on the chair Anne had left behind in the corner of the room, she crosses to sit back by Louis’ bed and opens the bags to reveal two freshly made sandwiches.

“I come bearing treats. Phone call with work took a lot longer than expected so I decided to go and get lunch myself and I bumped the nurse with your food on the way. I told her a sandwich should be good for you and I know that they’re trying to keep you on lighter meals to begin with so you can slowly build your stamina back up so I hope that’s good for you. Ooh, and I have my laptop if you feel like choosing the movie for us to watch later on tonight. An extra blanket too, I’ll be expecting you to budge over mister so that I can squeeze in next to you. Anyway, for now, food. I've been waiting ages for these. I’m starving.”

The nurse hands Louis his sandwich on a plate and tray in order to catch any of the crumps, preventing them from falling on the bed. Lottie knows Louis well going for a classic BLT. He catches Lottie’s eye and she smiles at him. There’s a gentleness in the way she looks at him, an alleviating quality to it. It reassures him that everything might just be okay. Facing back in front of him as he lifts his sandwich, bringing it closer to his face, he frees his mind of any troubles and focuses on enjoying this time he has with Lottie. He’s not sure how much of this kind of time he is gonna get, so he wants to saviour it whilst he still can. 

“Would you like a drink with that dear? I have apple and orange juice.”

“No thank you, water will do me just fine.”

“Alright then love, you two have a good time, I’ll be back later tonight with dinner.”

With that, the nurse, as bubbly as ever, hums a tune under her breath as she wheels out the trolly full of food, letting the door shut carefully behind her.

Just before taking the first bite, he turns to face Lottie, wishing to give her some kind of verbal confirmation that he’s doing alright.

“Thank you Lottie, means a lot that you’re taking this time to look after me. I’ll probably say it a lot but I want to make it clear how grateful I am.”

“Don’t mention it Lou.”

“Right, I better stop before I get too soppy or we’ll never get round to having lunch. Let’s eat.”

And so they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right well this is certainly a busy chapter. I wanted to highlight the dynamic between both Louis and Anne and Louis and Niall. These two relationships are clearly very different, and I think they make up a very big part of Louis’ character as he has all these different people to talk to, each of them caring about him a great deal. More of this to come in later chapters.
> 
> Credit where credit is due so I shall have to shoutout Puneet (my twitter moot @defencelesssx enjoy the shoutout hehe) for helping me decide what sandwich Louis should have (although in all fairness, we said it at the same time, but nevertheless I’ll give her some recognition).
> 
> Next up: Louis' time as a patient comes to an ends and Gemma comes to town.


End file.
